Peace Corps
Childbirth
Sky-diving
Three very different events, with a common theme.
They are all scary, exciting adventures. They each come with inherent risk. And I did each one.
Peace Corps was a life-long dream filled with uncertainty. A new country. A new culture, a whole new life when you step off the plane that hits you over and over, like waves at the beach on a day of rough seas. All your traditional supports, family, friends, familiar landmarks- are far away. Speaking roughly in a language that is not your own- it is so much harder, so much work all the time… until the time when you find yourself no longer thinking in English…and you look at the people around you and know that they now are part of your family, part of your soul…and just when it all becomes “home” you return to a landscape you were born to that no longer seems familiar.
Childbirth, which can’t be understood unless you understand. After three very different births under three very different sets of circumstances, the truth I found is that giving life is a gift from God. That said, the physical work of birthing a child is not what makes you a mom. During labor the pain is overwhelming until it vanishes, and there is a brand new life they place in your arms.
With my daughter, I was so weak after she arrived from my huge blood loss, I was terrified I would drop her. My sister sat next to me, holding my sweet girl to my face, until she was taken to the NICU. I saw her only once again before we were discharged five days later. Isolated on a different unit, too weak to travel even within the hospital, I signed for the sepsis work-up, I was transfused, and we were apart. Finally I was able to take her home- I remember her being so small inside her yellow snowsuit. And so tiny in the great big car seat…
And the little voice in my head saying, “Don’t screw up, you’re a Mommy now.”
And my aching body swore, “NEVER AGAIN!”
Yeah, right…
Sky-diving was terrifying to contemplate. Crazy, yet irresistible. And in my family, it was a tradition…sort of… My brother and my cousin had each done it, and raved about how awesome it was. As a girl who bootlegged flying lessons till she found out she could never qualify as a pilot, I was game to try. Two of my friends were going to join me… except the married one was told by his wife “OVER MY DEAD BODY” or words to that effect. Then my other friend backed out at the last minute.
What is a girl to do?
I went anyway.
I drove up to the Catskills, signed a thousand consent forms, watched a video of a super hippie with a crazy long white beard in an old school bus turned classroom, got goggles, a helmet, and gloves and went to be placed in my harness. A tight harness is a good harness. As a single, I went up in the first plane of the day. I was too excited to be scared- which may point to insanity on some level.
At 3000 feet up, the plane door was rolled up and the first three skydivers went out without hesitation. These were experienced folks, free diving. As a novice, I was going tandem, my Master Diver firmly linked behind me, harness to harness.
We stood by the door, looking at the rolling hills alive with autumn colors as far as the eye could see. As he showed me in practice, we rocked in the doorway.
One…
Two…
On three, we dropped into space, and I could not catch my breath in the rush of the cold air.
My instructor had told me as we went through prep- “If you can’t breathe, close your mouth” which at the time sounded odd, but on closing my mouth, I was able to breathe again. And we raced towards earth.
45 seconds of free fall really cleanses your mind… You are free in a way that is hard to understand.
At 5500 feet above the ground, the D-Ring pulled, my chute deploys and we are jerked hard upward as the parachute fills and slows our fall. Now I understand why the harness needs to be almost painfully tight.
We glide to earth and the rolling hills are brilliant. My heart is racing, adrenaline ignites my body and pulses through me.
We safely land and I feel alive in a new way. Like the world is open to me. All things are possible.
I have built my life and myself from my choices and experiences. Every time I take a risk, change my life, I am a different person because of them. Each one helped me get to the place I am now.
Sky-diving, anyone?
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