The Longest Day

Today a loved one is on the receiving end of an intervention. It has been a long time coming. DWIs have preceded it.

Three attempts at out-patient treatment have failed.

I feel like this is our last hope.

I feel guilty that I can’t be there.

I am mentally exhausted.

They started at 7:30am. I read my letter at just past 8am.

I have had no word since.

Praying for a miracle, I am not hopeful. I don’t believe it will work. That in-patient rehab will happen. But I cannot bear the thought of failure.

Ellen Moore

Clones

Today is my Grandmother's 93rd birthday. She was born in Kelleevan in Co. Monaghan in 1917, and married my grandfather in the late 1930's. They raised 10 children and shared the Moore family home with my grandfather's brothers and sisters.

Ellen Moore is an amazing woman. She worked hard and shared all she had with all of us. I am grateful to have such a fine role model.

Happy Birthday, Granny.

Riding a bike for the first time

My son mastered riding a two wheeler this evening, just as the sun was setting. I had been working on it since the weather warmed up and he has been SO CLOSE for such a long time. Tonight he was ready. Rick went out with him and got him going. He rode up and down the street as the light faded and I felt such joy at his accomplishment. I am so proud of him for trying, over and over, in spite of being apprehensive. What a delight! I cheered him and his big smile just melted my heart. I think I can became I CAN!

What a great way to end the day.

The Keeper

So I was internet browsing and read an interesting article…

The 6 Guys you will end up dating was written by The Frisky on 4/7/10 (http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/personal/04/07/tf.six.guys.you.date/index.html)

The first 5 types were no as interesting to me as they once might have been, but number six caught my eye:


The Keeper: "Is this real life?" He's handsome, but he's no pretty boy. He's ambitious and successful, but not a workaholic. He's really into you, the real you, and maybe in some way that you can only admit to yourself now, you weren't even the real you until you met him.

I am dating The Keeper. It is hard to imagine at this late stage of the game but it is true none the less. Rick is not what I was looking for when we met in August of 2007, but over the last 2+ years he has been everything I need and more.

An electrical engineer, he builds the electric elements of the machinery his company creates. He was also a car mechanic, so he can do the vast majority of car stuff. And he can build and fix computers… I have NO skills in any of these areas. Changing a light bulb is the extent of my electric knowledge, which is likely sad news to my high school physics teacher who spent a quarter of the year on all things electrical. My car gets gas and oil regularly, and I could probably change a flat if push came to shove… but AAA was invented for me. And my computer skills are strictly user skills. My best trick for a sick machine is cutting the power, then plugging the computer back in.

He is my equal in Trivial Pursuit. He is not a drinker of adult beverages, and is a non-smoker. He is calm and patient and extremely kind. He builds Pinewood Derby cars with my son and urges me to be patient with my daughter

He has limited skills in the housework arena and sometimes in helping others (and I am in this group contributing to the problem) he leaves himself for last. Which means my car gets more attention than the construction projects in his home. So while he was away on business in China, a friend did a project on his list. My garden man will also be doing some yard work, with Rick’s consent.


I am happy. I am content. I love him.

He isn’t perfect. He is perfect for me.

Bullies

Phoebe Prince was bullied to the point that suicide was her answer. The relentless harassment she was subjected to at the hands of fellow students will be played out in court and the media, and I pray justice is served.

During my first year in high school, I was subjected to bullying as the result of a conversation I had with Tracy, who dated a friend of mine. We were not friends, a point I should not have lost sight of. During our conversation we discussed Nicky and Sue, and a kiss.

Sue had made out with Nicky the day before he asked out Roe, a girl I had never met. Tracy reported to Roe it was the day after.

Susan and I began as freshman at the high school where Roe and Tracy were sophomores. And from the first day it was bad.

There was name calling, books were knocked from my arms, and it was not just Roe, a thug and bully, but also her girlfriends. I was pushed on stairs and harassed on buses and after a while, it was easier to spend lunch in the English Resource Center, where I was able to be alone and safe. In a previous life I had been one to solve a problem like this by fighting back, but because it was on school grounds, I would be subject to expulsion. I swallowed the abuse.

Months of this went by, and I HATED school. A school I begged my mother to attend. It was a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. My parents told me I wasn’t allowed to transfer. And no, I never told them all that was going on.

Finally, I confessed to my dear friend Kathy that I was being bullied. It was the day Roe had grabbed me by my coat when I was waiting for the bus. The buttons of my coat went flying in every direction, and I knew if I defended myself I would be expelled, but it was tempting. I was DONE! I stopped being afraid and I got pissed.

I told Kathy everything. Kathy didn't go to my high school.

And Kathy helped me.

Her junior sister, Mary, had a friend Juliet at my high school who knew Roe. From what I was told, Mary sent Roe a message- I was not unprotected. Harassing me would bring Mary, Kathy and others to our school, and Roe would regret it.

So a threat of physical violence, clearly stated and backed up, ended my nightmare for the most part. I still avoided this girl and her friends as much as possible, but I felt the danger of a physical altercation had passed. I would have defended myself, but was glad I didn’t have to.

Years later, I met one of Roe’s friends in a social setting. Clare was, by no means, the worst in her treatment of me, but she was there and saw it, over and over. None of them seemed to mind it at the time.

She asked me if I hated her then. No. I think she was as much a victim of Roe’s behavior as I was.

I don’t know what made Roe go after me. Did she think I had lied? Bad mouthed her boyfriend? How come Nicky got off scott free while Sue and I were harassed?

I never saw her after she graduated and don’t know what she has done since high school. I wonder if she will teach her children to bully others around them. I wonder if the cycle will continue.

My Honda Civic

After putting $60 in my gas tank this morning, I am missing my Honda Civic. It has been stranded outside my house for over a month and I miss it.

It has a broken throttle senor, according to the AutoZone computer. This wouldn’t bother me, but I got a new throttle sensor installed as my birthday gift last year. Not a romantic gift, like the lovely jewelry I got this year, but much appreciated.

So how did the first one work from 2003 till 2009 and this one didn’t last a year?

Did I mention Honda wants like $1500 for the part? So clearly the Honda will be waiting for a while. I just spent $400 dollars getting tires for the car I bought Liz in December, and between registering all three vehicles and the increase in insurance costs now that Liz has her license, my car fund is EMPTY!

Don’t get me wrong, the Land Rover is a great ride. The seat warmer is awesome on cold mornings and the stereo is a six disk changer…not to mention the two sun roof openings with shades… a wonderful way to travel. But with gas at nearly three dollars a gallon, I miss my Honda.

I bought my dark blue Honda new in August 2003. It was just over $15,000 and after the downpayment, I had a $10,000 3-year car loan. I loved my car. It handled well and did everything I needed- a real workhorse that I could rely on.

My first car was a green 1977 LTD (The Green Machine) that had a cracked block, so we had to add a quart of oil before every outing. (We kept a case in the trunk). It was a steal at $400 dollars in 1984.

My next car was $1200, a brown Chrysler LaBaron, and it always needed something. Of course driving through Hunt’s Point construction everyday was hard on it…I got seven flats in a month before turning to Mass Transit and sending the car to my sister Ellen.

It was almost three years before I bought my Dodge Spirit. A nice little grey car that my friend Arnie found for me. He had married my college friend Sally and she told him to find me a good reliable car. And it served me well until the Honda came along.

(We also bought a black Dodge Neon for $1800 when my husband George needed wheels- it worked around the neighborhood for a while, but once it started having issues it was a money pit. I would not drive one again if I got it for free.)

So my Honda was like heaven, and was mine. I gave it gas and oil and it gave me six years of perfect service. I drove to and from Ohio six times when we were moving and never worried about my little Civic.

Even when I bought my Land Rover in 2008, I still favored my little Honda for commuting. Let's face it, the biggest reason I bought Liz her purple 1999 Corolla was so she would not drive my Honda.

So my tax money will be going to my first real car, my 2003 baby. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Easter Prep 2010

I will spend this weekend remembering that Jesus gave his life so that we can go to heaven, and will make a concerted effort not to be pissed that the Catholic Church did a horrid job protecting the children it was meant to serve. I know so many wonderful priests who have served us and given their life to God …. This scandal has slapped all of these good men in the face and mocked what they believe. And I HATE that so many bad men were protected… After hurting children… that they were able to gain access repeatedly. It makes me so angry.

Jesus will judge them all.

So Easter is this Sunday. It is springtime and with John preparing for First Communion later this month, it will be an important Easter Mass. “GOD” school, which was called CCD where I came from and is some other 3-letter code now, is every Monday night. This week, since school is closed, there were no classes. Also no Cub Scout meetings- I haven’t had this much free time since September. Spring Break for mommy rocks.

On Saturday, my cousin Sara and her family are hosting Easter dinner. I only found out yesterday, because the message I got was: “Easter at Sara’s at 1, Bring dessert”

It was written by a teenager who clearly has not mastered the WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE enough to know that an additional word was needed to convey the message.

My daughter was surprised I made plans for Saturday. The conversation went like this:

“You can’t take John and his friends to the movies on Saturday. Mom, we are going to Sara’s for Easter.” (She looks at me like this makes complete sense.)

“Easter is Sunday, hence the term ‘Easter Sunday.’” (I am thinking I wasted A LOT of money on Catholic School)

“Yes, Easter is Sunday, dinner at Sara’s is Saturday” (Looking at me with the annoyance stare)

“The message said ‘Easter at Sara’s’. You should have mentioned it was Saturday…”

Interrupting me, “Obviously I didn’t write the message…” (Can you pick up the distain?)

Oh the Joy of Teenagers…

So I need to make a dessert for Easter dinner, which means I have to go shopping and I am not looking forward to it. I wish the grocery fairy would come and restock my panty as I run low on things.

Shopping on a “fasting” day. Wish me luck…

Dear Abby

So I was reading Dear Abby on Yahoo today (Friday, April 2, 2010) over my breakfast coffee and read the following letter and her response:

DEAR ABBY: Is it OK to have sex when you're a guest in someone's home? I say no, but my husband feels the host knows we're married so it's not inappropriate. I think it's rude and shows a lack of respect for the host.Would you please settle this once and for all? When we stay with friends, we end up fighting during our vacation. -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN TEXAS

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: For a married couple to make love when they are houseguests isn't rude or disrespectful, provided the pictures don't fall off the walls and there are no complaints about noise from the neighbors. However, if the idea makes you uncomfortable and unable to relax and enjoy the intimacy, then you and your husband should vacation in a hotel where you can expect to have more privacy.

The response seemed appropriate, and I scrolled down to read the comments. This one caused me to spurt coffee out my nose:

“Sex at our friend's house? That's why they make sheets. Besides, anyone remember the 70's. We had sex WITH our friends at their house.....sheeesh.” M.

Clearly I lead a boring life…

Weight Loss Surgery

I went to a seminar last night to discuss weight loss surgery. As the mother of two relatively young children, I need to consider drastic action now. I have a BMI of 51 and soaring high blood pressure. Sleep apnea is causing me to wake up at night. Now is the time.

Is it the easy way out? Some people say so. I need to get my body moving, yet I can’t exercise for a long enough period of time because of my weight. How is that for a catch-22? I can’t walk fifty yards without feeling like my heart is going to give out, and walking up and down stairs is difficult. My breathing is heavy after minimal exertion and I was sicker last winter with asthma than I want to remember. I feel like I am running out of time.

Of course, I spent a long time eating carelessly. I need to change that as well. Dieting does work to a point. Doing Nutrisystem, while successful, is too costly. Portion sizes and better nutritional choices need to be my priority.

So I took the first tentative step. I went to a Healthy Weight Solutions seminar hosted by Dr. Northup, a congenial man who did a fellowship in bariatric surgery. He talked about the band, the sleeve, and the bypass, and the differences between the three.

I love the idea of the sleeve, a restrictive procedure, because there is no foreign body, and it does not change the digestive process. However, it is not FDA approved and so is not covered by my insurance policy… so that one is out.

The band is also a restrictive procedure, but it requires the band and port to be internal, and that worries the nurse in me- what if I react to it? It can also be dislodged and there are other issues that I need to content with, like more frequent hospital visits. Not crazy about that since I work for a living. It is completely reversible.

The bypass is restrictive and malabsorptive, and changes the way the body digests food. Life-long supplements and risks, but the response is tremendous- 95% of hypertension eliminated, compared to 40% with the band.

Decisions, decisions….

I will sit down with the doctor in about two weeks, and we will go from there. I am leaning toward the band, with a more gradual weight loss, but have not ruled out bypass and the huge impact it could have on my medical issues.

I hope I am divinely inspired, cause I am not sure what to do…

Licensed to Drive

My daughter got her license to drive today after a VERY brief driving test. I remember my test being more substantial. Taking longer. The longest part of the experience today was waiting on line to get her license photo taken...

Now I am supposed to let her drive... Alone. As in without an adult. By herself. Even when it rains. When there is fog. In the snow.

This is nerve- wracking...

She is, after all, my baby and there are some horrid drivers out there...

I miss mass transit...