“Now that this is my reality, what am I supposed to do with it?”

Today I read Lysa’s post, “When God hurts your feelings” http://lysaterkeurst.com/2010/03/when-god-hurts-your-feelings/ and she asked herself the question:


“Now that this is my reality, what am I supposed to do with it?”

I had been there…

A long time ago, my faith was broken into small pieces after a violent assault.

The physical assault was soon matched in a verbal assault that likely did tenfold the damage. The verbal assault was not loud, was not profane… it took place in a chapel and was quiet and controlled as it stripped me of hope.

I was left broken, aching and alone. And the words haunted me. God might have been with me, but I sure didn’t know it. For years, I struggled with believing. It wasn’t a test of my faith. I had no faith left to test.

Hate I had. Distress. Pain. And shame. A whole lot of shame. Shame so overwhelming I could not breathe.

I said nothing for a very long time. I was ashamed. It is still a time I hesitate to share. That fear of judgment. There is still shame, decades later…

What did I do?

I changed to meet my new reality. I took a path in life that was greatly changed from what I had always envisioned. I grew up to be a different person than I thought I would become. I am more tolerant and less judgmental. I know that there are worse things that can happen to people. Bad, horrible life changing tragedies happen every day.

I am blessed with healthy children. I am blessed with a loving family. I am blessed with friends who are family. And there are still really dark days filled with lonely pain.

I do work that I hope makes a difference, even when it changes nothing.

My beliefs no longer fit in the textbook full of rules that I was raised on. I believe that had Jesus Christ been in the chapel that day so long ago, He would have held my hand and said, “I am so sorry.” He would have held me as I cried and told me over and over how much He loved me. And as He loves me, He loves all of us- even those of us who don’t fit in. He loves us.

I am good with that.

Glassblowing

I took a glassblowing class on May 26th. My 21st new thing. I am writing about it now because I had to wait till I stopped feeling sick to my stomach and my hands stopped sweating.

What was I thinking?!?!

Glassblowing involves FIRE. Really HOT fire.

I am clearly an idiot. I am absolutely terrified of fire and took a class that is done in front of not one but two huge furnaces, plus a flaming grill for keeping the pipe ends hot.

The young man (Josh) running the class made it all look so easy, and the actual blowing of the glass was easy, but making the cup (our first project) is a complex project.

My classmates all seemed to have no trouble at all, with Josh giving basic guidance and stepping in for minor adjustments as we assisted with the blowing and paddle as needed. And when they had all finished their cups, it was my turn. And here my day went off the rails.

I had to scoop up molten glass from this bowl in the center of the furnace which is like 3000 degrees when Josh opened the door. I froze when the heat blasted out, and spilled the molten glass on the floor.

Yeah, that was me, spilling liquid glass… Ask yourselves- how hot does glass have to be to go into a liquid form?

Pretty seriously hot…

Then shaping the glass by rolling/cooling it on the metal table is followed by reheating it… I couldn’t turn the pole and reheat the glass while still being far enough away from the fires of Hell to feel even vaguely safe.

And my cup was a crazy shape...

I was clearly out of my element. Josh helped me with each step and, by what must be considered a miracle, I had made a glass cup by the end. It is all still a bit of a blur, which happens when the” fight or flight” adrenaline rush takes over. One thing I know for sure: nobody will have any difficulty believing I made the cup- it is uneven and lopsided and I am fine with it. Or as Josh says… it is organic…

Just so you know, at that half-way mark in class, when everyone was finished with the first project, I seriously considered bolting at lunchtime and never going back.

I did not scoop out my own molten glass for my paperweight (the second project) and with fewer steps, I only needed a little help. (The others all made cool looking bowls, but I needed something easy)

I was exhausted by the end of the day- terror does that- and getting in my air-conditioned car after being in heat like the bowels of hell was a divine experience.

The pieces need to be "finished" whatever that means, (I am sure Josh told me but I have No Memory of it...) and then we can pick them up. And Josh let me have a piece of the now cooled and hardened glass that I had spilled.

I am just proud that I stayed and finished the class.

Glass-blowing now joins traveling in the Arctic on my list of things I NEVER intend to do again.

The Love of the Lord will stand

Though the mountains may fall
and the hills turn to dust,
yet the love of the Lord will stand
as a shelter for all who will call on His name.
Sing the praise and the glory of God.



Could the Lord ever leave you? Could the Lord forget His love?

Though a mother forsake her child, He will not abandon you.


Should you turn and forsake Him, He will gently call your name.

Should you wander away from Him, He will always take you back.


Go to Him when you’re weary; He will give you eagle’s wings.

You will run, never tire, for your God will be your strength.



As He swore to your fathers, when the flood destroyed the land,

He will never forsake you; He will swear to you again.


Back in 1981, we sang this in St. Frances de Chantal Church during our 8th grade graduation. Angela and I whispered in practice, after the yet the love of the Lord will stand line, "OH YES IT WILL" and planned to do so at the ceremony, but we chickened out.


But still a happy memory.

D-Day

In 1944, in war weary Europe, June 6th was the day of days.

Allied forces landed on the beaches of Normandy in Northern France. 160,000 troops- English, Canadian, and US, shoulder to shoulder, and over 10,000 casualties...

The tide of war shifted that day, and in less than a year, Adolf Hitler was dead and the war in Europe ended.

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it"

George Santayana

Exotic Animal Ban Bill was signed into law

Effective September 3rd, owners of angerous wild animals and restricted snakes will have to register their animals and obtain  non-existent  liability insurance, or surrender their animals without compensation.

There are not enough rescue facilities to take in all the privately owned animals, so this ban will result in an animal massacre far worse than the sad day in Zanesville. These expensive exotic animals will be sacrificed for public safety. Personal property rights  of their owners won't matter.

Governor Kasich signed SB310 into law, and at the press conference called me and those who opposed the law "aggressive". He praised his good friend Jack Hanna. Others said our voices were heard...

Nobody mentioned that they ignored us.

No one opposing the bill was given an opportunity to speak. It was a celebration of the victors. And because the victors tend to write the history of an event, this was a "great success for public safety".

Teresa M. Scarmack is running against this bill's author, Troy Balderson, for the Ohio District 20 Senate seat.

According to Ballot pedia:
"Teresa McGraner Scarmack will fight to protect workers’ rights and to prevent further legislative assaults on public employees like failed Senate Bill 5, which was unfair, unsafe and hurt all Ohioans. McGraner Scarmack will continue to oppose any attempts that push a destructive, divisive and disastrous agenda on the people of Ohio by standing up especially for children, teachers and all public servants."

She also detailed her policy goals:

"As senator, she will make every effort to improve the lives of Ohio families by advocating for:

1. High quality education and fair funding for every child in Ohio public schools

2. Safe, good paying, long-term jobs

3. Affordable health coverage and quality care for all, especially women

4. Clean, safe energy standards that protect public health and safety"

You can learn more about her at: http://teresaforohio.com/. Because Balderson needs to go...