Miss Fisher

Acorn TV has a great series from Australia that I discovered in March of 2020 when Amazon recommended the series to me when I finished another series- sometimes those automated recommendations come up with a true winner.  I love the books too, but the joy of 1920's Melbourne is a delight. And the clothes! After the series ended, they crowd funded for a movie to pick up the story.

SO MUCH FUN!

And there are some great female roles.

If you are looking for a good series- give it a go. 

I also recommend  the follow-up series, Ms. Fisher's Modern Mysteries take the story to the 1960's. 
 

Speed Limit Birthday

 I spent the weekend in Chicago. It went by in a blur- Drinks and dinner with friends, a green river, the Art museum full of Monets, amazing Guatemalan food, a Thai massage (NEVER AGAIN but HILARIOUS!!) and a visit to the bean, a drink 96 floors up, cake and pizza... It was a good time had by all!

Liz is off to her next big adventure- Mexico then Guatemala, so it was a send-off for her as well. 

I am grateful to my cousin Maryellen who hosted us along with Jean and Geraldine, her housemates. 

Here's to the next 55!

Goodbye Nonna

 My son's grandmother, Carmela, died at the end of February. 

My son last saw her when we were in New York for my father's funeral mass. We visited her and my son's aunt, Roe. It was a good visit. Roe, who has been living with cancer for the last several years, was having a good day. Carmela recognized my son, which was not assured given her diagnosis of Parkinson's and dementia. It was such a good visit. I am glad it is our last memory of both of them.

Roe died in November after her long struggle. Carmela moved to her sister's house in Sicily the week prior to Roe's passing. Roe had arranged everything for her mom. She was the perfect daughter.

My son has lost so much in the last two years. I think he might be numb to all the tragedy and sadness.  I ache for him. What can you do when there is nothing you can do?

2022 starts with a loss

 Betty White's death was announced on New Year's Eve, Sidney Poitier died January 6th, and the Bob Saget died on January 9th at only 65 years old.

Icons all, and losses to be sure. But when it was announced that Meatloaf died on January 20th, 2022, my heart broke. 

Because he was MY icon.

My Facebook comment was:

Meat Loaf's two biggest albums, 1977's "Bat Out of Hell" and the 1993's "Bat Out of Hell II: Back into Hell" gave us "Paradise by the Dashboard Light", "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad", Heaven Can Wait", and "I'd Do Anything for Love, But I Won't Do That". "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" gave us his role as Eddie (What's for dinner? Meatloaf, Eddie, Same thing!) My friends and I knew all the words of every song and sang along- still do, if I am honest. We danced to "Paradise" at my sister's wedding. I even got to see him live in concert. Meatloaf- thank you for the magic. Rest in Peace.

That night, I talked to a friend I met when I worked at the Hayden Planetarium- my favorite High School job, and we shared our mutual sadness. Because his music was the soundtrack of our childhood.  And the loss is profound.

9/11 remembered

Twenty years ago, 19 terrorists murdered 2977 and injured over 6000 more. Most were civilians. Over 400 were first responders from the FDNY and NYPD. Many more first responders are sick and dying from the exposure to toxins from the lower Manhattan site. We continue to lose these amazing heroes.

September 11th was the worst terrorist event in US history.

Here we are in 2021- twenty years later and we have seen Osama Bin Laden killed by US Navy SEALs and decades of war in Afghanistan and Iraq that began in the wake of the attack. We have seen a world wide plague in COVID-19 and a widening political divide domestically.

And I remember those who were lost. And grieve for their futures, that were taken away on that beautiful, bright and sunny Fall morning. 

When an Ex dies...

I read a blog post "When An Ex-Spouse Dies" and it felt like it was written just for me. Joanne Funch states:

"It’s complicated and referred to as disenfranchised grief.  Disenfranchised grief refers to losses that are not publicly acknowledged, socially supported, and openly mourned." 

It  really hits home on this week of all weeks. I found out on Monday that Tuesday was the one year anniversary of the death of a man I used to know. He died after a 3 year battle with cancer. I had not seen him in over twenty years, and it feels like we knew each other ten lifetimes ago. But we had a child together- the son I placed for adoption. And I feel sadness now, for both of them.

And for myself.

Disenfranchised grief- because how can I say my heart hurts for someone I haven't thought about in ages?

Because the adoption was a choice we both made, but that he kept silent about his whole life, as far as I know.

Because I got to meet our son as an adult and he never got to experience the wonderful gift we gave the world.

I am sad for all the loss. Rest in peace.

One of those weeks...

I am having a bad week. It was a week that started with the 50th Birthday of my ex, who died last summer. I am still so sad about it. And it isn't like I am the widow and people can understand my grief. I am the ex-wife and divorced and so why am I so sad, still.

Then the next day, during a zoom meeting with my work team, an integral member announced he is leaving our institution. And from what I could see from the faces of those on the call, I was the last one to know this huge piece of news. I can only thank heavens that I:

 a) did not say YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! on the call, because my Bronx was in my mouth begging to come out.

b) had no camera on my computer to capture my expression.

He only took over the role in December, when the person who was in the position retired. And he is suggesting the leadership role move to another division. One I do not work in. While I agree the person he is thinking of is perfect to take over the role, I have NO IDEA how that will impact my role, job, future. 

Wednesday involved a cancer scare for one of my daughter's friends (a twenty-something). She is terrified and has to stay at work because she can't take time off. Then in my online class, our professor was dismissive of our concerns about our project, and I once again did not say YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! I really want to drop this class.

How is it only Wednesday??? 

The last time I had a week like this, I was in college and had to drop a class due to illness, move out of the dorm because I didn't carry enough credits, lost my college related employment and then had  drop the rest of the classes I could no longer afford to attend because I was unemployed. And I found out the guy I broke up with but still loved with all my heart had moved on. I kept saying, it could be worse... After that week I stopped saying it cause it was like God was trying to prove a point.

Okay, that might have been worse than this week.

But I digress.

Today I worked side by side with my departing colleague, which was fine but I still have no answers. About my future, my plans, my life.

So I am taking off tomorrow- because this week has already been enough.