Resolutions

What is the best way to celebrate a New Year? Custom dictates that we should do something different, change a negative element, move toward a positive goal.

Have you made any resolutions?

I read on www.proactivechange.com/resolutions/statistics.htm “40 to 45% of American adult make one or more resolutions each year.
Among the top new years resolutions are resolutions about weight loss, exercise, and stopping to smoke. Also popular are resolutions dealing with better money management / debt reduction.
The following shows how many of these resolutions are maintained as time goes on:
- past the first week: 75%
- past 2 weeks: 71%
- after one month: 64%
- after 6 months: 46%
While a lot of people who make new years resolutions do break them, research shows that making resolutions is useful. People who explicitly make resolutions are 10 times more likely to attain their goals than people who don't explicitly make resolutions.”
So I am going to resolve to…

1. Get out of debt…. I have paid down a good chunk of my debt, but have a long road to be consumer debt free in 24 months. I need 24 months because I still have 22 car payments left. This will be a process of cutting down and cutting back, with an element of saying “No” tacked on for good measure.

2. Lose weight… I need to be at a healthy weight, and I am nowhere near this goal. I actually considered surgery, but I resolve that this needs to be all on me.

3. Exercise more… I walk around like an old lady, and that needs to end, regardless of what weight I am. Just Dance and my Wii Fit, along with my treadmill being dusted off and put back in use, are going to move me along till the warm weather comes back.

4. Support charities more…Working for a non-profit and taking a salary/hours cut in August after no raise the previous year may already count, but I am a big fan of doing something for those with less. Via two Christian charities, I sponsor a little boy in Guatemala, a little girl in El Salvador, and an elderly woman in Kenya. For 2011, I have also agreed to serve as a respite for two families that will be hosting a boy coming from Afghanistan with his translator. He needs treatment for burns he suffered about a year ago. It will be an interesting year, I am sure.

5. Spend more quality time with my children… This goes with the condition “provided they let me” as family time to a teenager can be seen as a punishment, defeating the whole purpose. I would love to have weekly family game night… Wish me luck…

6. Cook at home more often… AKA, eat out less. This will actually help me with resolutions #2 and #7.

7. Spend less and save more… I spend a boatload of money on crap…stuff I don’t need, spur of the moment “I want” stuff that I can totally live without. Stopping that will allow me to put together a real emergency fund. Last year I figured out that I should have almost $10,000 in emergency funds- a lofty goal, to be sure, but I figured I could do it over time… So far it has about $500 in it… I have a LONG way to go…

8. Lower my expenses… In 2010, I refinanced my house and eliminated 3 major credit card balances, so this process is well under way. I have a listing of my expenses…OUCH…and am chipping away at my remaining debt… That said, sometimes you need to spend money in order to save. My furnace and A/C unit need to be replaced. This year. Cash up front if at all possible…

9. Work on my retirement fund… I am moving from 5% to 10% on my 403(b) withholding. Cause I ain’t getting any younger. And I would like to retire at some point. Just saying.

10. Declutter my house… All the “stuff” I have and don’t need, want, wear needs to go to a new home. I have enough clothing living in my house to cloth a small nation and it needs to go… The papers that I have EVRYWHERE will either be shredded, sorted, filed or recycled…. And I made the HUGE step already in this area. I threw out hundreds of photos that were out of focus, poorly lit, included people whose names I can no longer remember, or were unflattering to the folks I love- Deirdre and Margie benefit the most, but Eddie was featured in more than one as well.

There you have it. A sizable list to be sure. Some will last more than a year, but hopefully there are a couple I will be able to knock out straight way. Wish me luck.

Happy New Year!

Giving at Christmas

My younger sister worked for a children's clothing manufacturer in the garment district as a receptionist after a couple of semesters in college. The small company was run by an Orthodox Jewish family and they made clothing items for Disney among others. My niece received an embroidered sweater with each of the Disney princesses over the course of my sister's career with the company.

The garment district is a stone's throw from the main post office in Manhattan, and one day at lunch my sister went to pick a Santa letter.

Santa letters are available to individuals so they can make a Christmas dream come true. The letter my sister picked was from a pre-teen girl. She wrote that after her mom died, her dad was really struggling to keep the family going. She told Santa she wanted nothing for herself, but asked only that he get a coat for her little sister- it was a luxury her father could not provide.

My sister teared up reading the letter, and returned to work with misty eyes. When her co-workers and employers inquired, she shared the young girl's simple letter. Everyone wanted to pitch in, and soon they amassed a wardrobe for both girls. The owners added their own choices, and the company paid the postage.

Often over the years, I have thought back to what it must have been like for this simple family, when the giant box of brand new stylish clothing arrived... A new coat for each girl and so much more. Disney sweaters, pants and tops for school...I imagine the squeals as each new item was examined, the fashion show as everything was tried on...the delight...

The dad contacted my sister to thank everyone, and she said he was so choked up he could hardly speak. It was that family's Christmas miracle. And it was a Christmas gift even to those who did not celebrate the holiday. The gift of giving to those in need transcends all other considerations.

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love! ~Hamilton Wright Mabie

Merry Christmas.

My New Bathroom

All I want for Christmas is a new bathroom.

My 1970's bathroom is a thing of the past, with it's water-damaged wall and sub-floor and mis-aligned stick-on tiles. The vanity with dysfunctional door and drawers are distant memories. The avocado tub that never really looked clean and had half the water directed to the tub when we showered because the valve was frozen halfway- gone...

Did I mention the lights that dangled from chains?

After the demolition, Tony (aka Contractor God- he is Mike Holmes and Bob Viela combined) explained that the sink drained uphill, which is why thousands in Drano never unclogged the sink. He also demonstrated that my "support" wall was not actually attached to anything. And the sink pipes needed to be moved so they line up with where the sink is...

So Rick and I picked out the shower hardware- his Christmas gift to me, as well as some of the other fixtures. An exhaust fan with a light (truly a dream come true), towel bars, it is the little things that make me happy.

The new sub floor is down already and the support walls are well underway. The tile is a skid proof dark gray, the trim is a mosaic tile with pale blue, pale gray and off-white, and since I can't have a window, I am getting a small skylight.

Natural light in the bathroom...it is almost too much to hope for...

I am like a kid waiting for Santa, only this is SO MUCH BETTER!

And Tony believes it will be done prior to Santa's arrival.... Merry Christmas to me...

A helping hand

Volunteering is a way of life for me. It is part of the fabric of my days, so much so that I hardly notice. And it has been that way for as long as I can remember.

When I was a Sophomore in high school, I spent the summer as a volunteer in Project Hands, a day camp for special needs children. I was partnered with a wonderful young girl with Down’s syndrome, and we spent the summer learning and doing new thing.

When I was between my senior year in high school and my freshman year in college, I went to Kentucky and worked at a day camp for some of the rural children in need. I LOVED it.

I was a volunteer at the medical office in college, and there, I was encouraged to become an EMT, which led to a paid position there.

As a rape crisis advocate during the last year I was in school, I held hands with young women at their darkest moments. I still pray for them.

I served as a Peace Corps volunteer when I finished college, and traveled to Guatemala as a health extensionist. I dug latrines, vaccinated children, and learned so much from the people I shared my time with. I am still in awe of the young boy who made a top for me from a bit of wood and an old nail, then delighted in teaching me how to make it spin…

Now I am a Cub Scout Den Leader. I try to share experiences with the eight boys in my charge that will make them better for their time with me. And I tap the wonder that are my scout parents and grandparents- what an amazing group of individuals. My son enjoys the volunteer events the pack takes part in. The “River Clean-Up” in the cold rain was a big hit. Racking leaves for an elderly woman as part of RASKELS inspired him to rake our yard. We will be making radios from kits in the next few weeks. (I tapped my favorite electrical engineer for that one…)

Volunteering a helping hand is a gift I keep giving myself. It reminds me to think beyond the here and now of my little part of the world.

Winter 2010

Mother Nature has decided to bring on winter in a big way this week. It is normally in the 40’s at this time of year, and we are in the low 20’s- the weather folks think the “high” will be 23F. IT IS TOO COLD. We had snow on Saturday just the way I like it- it stuck on the lawns and trees but the roads were clear- lovely.

I wore my long coat and gloves today, and the heat in the car was blasting as I drove to work. I have a heater at my desk and my feet have not thawed yet, even though I am almost through a pot of lovely hot coffee.

Is it too early to wish for an early Spring?

At least I am finished shopping for all the gifts I needed to find. Still need to wrap them, and mail my Dad’s gift to him, but I am in good shape. It is a green t-shirt with the Grinch’s face on the front. The Grinch was one of my Dad’s favorites. Along with the coyote that chases Roadrunner.

Christmas cards are not going well. I can’t find my address book. It was on my desk last week and while everyone claims not to have moved it, it is no longer there and my search has turned up nothing- okay it turned up several other misplaced items, but that is hardly the point. So I will be mailing cards to addresses I have memorized, and to those who send me a card bearing their return address. What can ya do?

I know, a computer based address book…e-mail cards…I know, join the 21st century.

Bah Humbug! I am sure the phone book will turn up when I least need it and am in search of something else entirely. In July…

Still no tree- hard to get motivated to take on such a huge project with the kids away this Christmas. I was thinking of setting up the nativity and just having a small potted pine instead. Then plant the tree in the backyard in spring. Nice and simple, like the first Christmas.

Now if only we could make it to the 40’s or so.

Margaret Kelly

My Dad's mom, Margaret Josephine Kelly, was a firm Catholic, dedicating herself to the Church. She moved into an apartment across the street from St. Benedict's and was generous in both time and money to the parish and the priests residing there. In 1993, as Father Steve lived out his last days, my Granny brought him into her home and nursed him.

She was an amazing lady, working at the Jewish Home for the Aged for decades. She only "retired" at age 86, fully committing her working hours to the parish.

She was a magnificent seamstress. She created my sister Dee's wedding dress and many of her own outfits, as well as many of the drapes that adorned the church altar.

On December 2, 2001, my Granny died of a stroke. She collapsed in her home on Thursday night and died by midday Sunday, without ever regaining consciousness. Her funeral mass saw all of the priests she served over her lifetime, on an altar together, praising her- monsignors, arch-bishops alike.

Granny raised one son and two daughters. Her son Micheal, born just after my dad, died in infancy. She had nine grandchildren and so far, over 20 grandchildren,a number that will continue to grow.

I remember her today with love.

What I am thankful for...

Thanksgiving is one of those times where you can take a moment and consider all of Life's blessings. Things like:

Finishing all your Christmas shopping with over a month to go- even the work grab bag and the cousin who is IMPOSSIBLE to shop for (of course I got him in the family Christmas exchange.)

My cub scouts with whom I get to do cool stuff like go on Rumke dump tours and learn to carve stuff and toss ropes (if someone is drowning, I am not the person who should be throwing the life line)

Crazy social networking that lets me find the people I actually hung out with in grammar school and high school- virtual reunions full of big hair eighties photos and hilarious stories that are ever better in the retelling...

My house, the money pit castle I wouldn't trade... unless it was a really good trade...

I could go on...

But I wanted to take a moment to share the amazing list of true blessing in my life:

My children: I have two beautiful children, one practically a grown woman, the other a delightful little boy. My babies. I wonder at the time flashing past in a moment.

My siblings and their children: My sisters and brother are so much a part of me, and my nieces and nephews are like my own. They are far away only when judged by geography. They are always in my heart.

My Dad and Maureen: Dad has recovered well from the stroke last year and Maureen has been by his side. For this I am so thankful.

My extended family: I remember when I was younger, some people thought it strange that my cousins were who I went out with. The close knit family I grew up in is something I will always be grateful for. I am even more grateful now, as my family here in Ohio weave us into their lives.

My friends: Old and new, they are the time tested variety. They catch me when I am falling, hold my hand as the tears fall, and love me unconditionally, forever. We may not talk every day or week, but they are part of my soul.

The man that I love: He is strong and does because he can, not because he has to...He loves me anyway- even when I am high-strung, unhappy, broken, terrified, or sorrow-filled. Because let's face facts, it is easy when I am filled with joy and happiness. This man has staying power.

The work that I do: I work with some of the most amazing families. They face trials I cannot describe and pain I will never know, and daily work harder than any one person should have to... They inspire me with their bravery and I am in awe of their generosity and spirit. I am not saying the work is without difficulty, because on the darkest days of loss I grieve. But the community grieves with me, beside me- even thousands of miles away. EB has changed each of us.

This Thanksgiving, I am so thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Advanced Directives

The nonprofit organization Engage With Grace is launching its third annual "blog rally" today to promote communication and critical thinking about end-of-life issues among family members and loved ones.

I cannot stress how important it is to talk about end of life decisions in advance. It can make such a huge difference to your family. I should know. Because my mother didn't.

My mother collapsed at work on December 20th, 2002. She was cardioverted twice before getting to the hospital. She was intubated and remained in a coma. I sat with her in the ER, was beside her when they moved her to CCU. I asked the nurse, a 20y veteran of Cardiac Care, and she advised me to prepare myself. I thank God for her honesty.

Mom was never alone. One of us was with her every moment round the clock. Nobody in our family is left alone.

On Sunday, the 22, my father signed to have Mom extubated. It was a decision all my siblings supported. It was excruciating. It broke my father's heart. He said it felt like he was killing her. My mother had no health care proxy, no living will. We all knew it was what she would want, but my father had to sign the order. As her husband, it was his responsibility.

Three days later, on Christmas night, with my sister Dee by her side, my mother died. The next few days were a blur- the wake, the funeral, the aftermath. Family flew in from Ireland, we chose to bury her with my father's parents, we had the funeral meal at Charlie's Inn. What needed to be done was done.

When things settled down, I talked about how important a Health Care Proxy is. Picking someone who will do what you want when you can't speak for yourself... And the best choice is not always your spouse, because of the emotional roller coaster they experience around you.

I talked about a living will- where you say what you do and don't want done if you can't make decisions anymore. Nobody needs to guess what you want or need. Nobody needs to agonize about making the wrong choice in their grief.

I have a Health Care Proxy. I have a living will. My proxy has copies of these vital documents. I know that nobody will be asked to make decisions on my behalf. I had the conversation with my loved ones.

It is not an easy conversation. But it is a necessary one. Give this gift to your family this holiday season.

Thanksgiving Recipes

Really, I know, I should have checked earlier- the pictures looked so nice and really, veggies, how hard could it be. See, I am bringing sweet sausage stuffed mushrooms and garlic cauliflower to my aunts, along with an oreo cookie cake and brownies. Easy, no fuss...

So I started my grocery list and checked the recipes. What in the world are Japanese breadcrumbs and Mascarpone cheese? I am a BIG cheese fan and have NEVER heard of Mascarpone cheese. I was married to an Italian fellow who's mother cooked amazing Italian food. Never heard of the stuff.

Now I have to go to Jungle Jim's to shop for ingredients. Jungle Jim's has every food known lined up in aisles by what country it is from. The store covers acres- and I have to go to several countries to get the stuff I need. How likely is it that Japan will be next to Italy? Which means I will be on a multi-country tour to get cheese and breadcrumbs.

And that means money. Because if I end up in Latin America, I will be getting the beans I love. England is where breakfast sausage lives... My mouth is already starting to water at the prospect.

Yes, I could stay strong and get only the two items on the list... if aliens replace me with a droid look alike, maybe. Did I mention they carry my favorite candy and the imported tea I LOVE...

Of course I could sub out these ingredients and avoid shopping at all, but what if everything ends up tasting terrible? I am not one of these crafty people who can just whip up something with what is on hand. I am a recipe girl. I preheat, flour and whip as told...I am not a creative chef AT ALL.

So I will go to Jungle Jim's, along with the other 200,000 individuals in the tri-state area hunting for some obscure item. And I will spend a boatload of money on treats and need a u-haul to get the stuff home...

Hopefully, everyone likes Japanese breadcrumbs and Mascarpone cheese.

Jimmy Johnson makes it five.

So today, Jimmie Johnson won the Sprint Cup series... Again. I know, some of the NASCAR die-hards are annoyed. But he was not a shoe in this time around. It was Denny's to lose and, boy, did he... Starting last week, and just unable to shake off his nerves. Harvick did his best, but yah, no.

I watched the mini series on HBO (when I still had HBO) with the run up to Daytona. It was really interesting to see him interact with his team, his wife and his crew chief Chad.

He and his wife talked about how they met and announced they were expecting... We got to see their beautiful home. We got to see Jimmy is a clothes horse (His closet may be bigger than my bedroom) and Chad has an AMAZING kitchen.

I love Chad making fun of Jimmie for wrecking a car in a 24 hour race a week after Jimmy said that sometimes he wins and sometimes he puts it in the wall on the first lap. The comment was along the lines that Jimmy had asked for it, saying such a thing out loud...

Then Jimmie had a crap race at Daytona- which happens often... He had to change out his crew cause they were screwing up... He had to come from behind...

Does he cheat- I wouldn't know, though Rick has said, "If you ain't cheatin', you ain't trying", clearly an old timer's take on NASCAR. (He is a Tony Stewart fan). So if cheating is really the norm, clearly he does it better than everyone else.

Love him or hate him... and LOADS of people hate him...he is the champion once more.

Working through the Holidays

I applied and was accepted as a temporary sales associate at Macy's in the Northgate Mall. I will make just over minimum wage ($8/hr) and will have shifts on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays for the next 11 weeks. Even better than the pay, I will have a 20% discount on purchases.

I will be working in Housewares, and floated to Linens as needed. I met a couple of the ladies that work in the areas I will be in and all seem kind. I have been out of retail for a very long time so hopefully all will go smoothly as I transition back into that environment.

Rick's only comment was that we will be unable to go away over Thanksgiving, as I will definitely be working. But I figure, John is away this Christmas, my regular job has cut me back to 4 days a week, and the discount will take the sting out of Christmas shopping. Liz has expensive taste and wants Chance Chanel perfume among other things...

It's funny, I think the last time I worked on a major holiday, it was Christmas day, 1991. I left the house at 6am before even the kids were awake, worked until 3:30pm, and took the 4pm Express Bus home- all the gift unwrapping was over except for me, and dinner was already underway.

And now I will get to experience "Black Friday", an event I have avoided, from the non-consumer side of things...at least it will be interesting...

October 15, 2010

I decided to take everyone out for a family dinner to celebrate Liz turning 17. We went to the Boathouse right on the river- Liz chose as she had never been there before. That and the fact that PF Chang's had an hour + wait.

We drove down and were parked by the valet- mandatory on weekends, apparently, and headed inside.

We were seated in the high- traffic area just outside the kitchen, beside the steps, and I should have requested a different table as soon as I saw it. We sat down, drinks arrived and the waitress took our order, and that was the last we saw of her till our dinners arrived. Another server saw our drinks were empty and reported this to her, but she did not seem too bothered.

Did I mention the Boathouse is pricey and usually has amazing service? I was stunned by the server we had.

The high traffic zone was a little like trying to have fine dining in the middle of Grand Central Station. The food was, as always, delicious, but the servers, well, not a good showing, quite frankly. I said nothing about the first server who bumped my chair, accidents happen, but the second one actually moved me, without so much as a "sorry". When the server asked how things were, I told her- in no uncertain terms- in a tone and volume that got her attention...and that of the manager.

They took off my dinner from the bill, and we boxed our leftovers. I had planned on doing a Birthday dessert, but was not willing to stay. I only tipped 10%- the server was poor and didn't deserve 20%.

We go outside to get the cars and Liz takes off in the Land Rover, which arrives right away. We wait and after 10 other couples got their cars before us, even though we were the first outside, the valet came back to ask what kind of car we had, as it was mis-marked on the ticket...seriously. The valet lost my car.

Talk about bad karma on an evening.

I don't see going back to the Boathouse. The food may be excellent, but at that price, the service needs to be as well. They clearly missed the mark on what was meant to be a happy occasion.

October 10, 1964

On my parent's wedding day, my mother was walked down the aisle by her uncle, Brian Moore. Brian's daughter Margaret and my father's youngest sister were flower girls, and the cake was a model of St. Benedict's, with figures of the bridal party standing in front. My father's uncle Martin was his best man, and later became my Godfather. My mother's sister Etta was feeling poorly as she was expecting her first child, my cousin Billy.

My parents were in their early twenties, Dad was in the Army and Mom worked at Dollar Savings Bank on Fordham Road.

Today would have been their 46th wedding anniversary. Mom died at the end of 2002, and I still miss her.

Divorce 2010, Part 2

I am officially single again. At 3:40pm EST, my divorce went through and was finalized. No delays, no additional filings, no papers unfiled, nothing left unsigned. Connie testified, and the judge said the magic words- The divorce judgement is finalized.

Miracles do still happen! I left New York in August of 2006, and the decision to divorce was made in July of 2007. Four attorneys, endless paperwork and $2000 later, it is all over. I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!

Connie and I headed to Pappaduex's for dinner and drinks, and I advised her to pick the most expensive thing on the menu, because we were celebrating. The waiter asked what we were celebrating and I said, joyfully, my divorce was finalized today. The woman at the next table laughed out loud and told us, "I felt the same way with mine!"

We had Alligator- really yummy- and very cold beer and a little bit of tequila.

Rick and Chris joined us a bit later and we had a lovely dinner. What a difference a day makes.

Vandalism

Saturday was going to be a busy day- Liz was going to take Baxter, the stray puppy she found, to the vet at 8:30am, I had the cub scout rummage sale starting at nine, and John had soccer photos at one and his game at two, and we were scheduled to attend Cheyenne's birthday party at 8pm.

I did not expect to hear the dog bark, and moments later, hear my doorbell ring. Looking at the clock, it was 5am. The police were at my door. My neighbor Chris had called them to report 5 teenagers in a maroon Chevy truck had broken the driver's side window of my Land Rover. Yes, the Land Rover I replaced a windshield in last week...same one...

I was PISSED. The truck wasn't even locked, so clearly robbery was not the motive. The cop asked me if I knew ____ ____, and of course I had no clue who he was. Liz, who was now awake, volunteered that she did know the person and had a falling out with one of his friends. This girl, she was convinced, put ____ ____ up to punching out the window.

Of course, knowing and proving are vastly different things. So I have another repair to make, and I can't be sure more damage won't be done in the future.

When the cop left, I warned Liz away from the girl, advising her not to have any contact with her. The last thing I needed was her adding fuel to the fire.

We cleared enough of the glass to move the truck out to my aunt's property, so at least no additional damage would be done. My uncle, a retired cop, asked my daughter who she pissed off, as we placed cardboard and plastic over the opening. He said that this type of juvenile offense was typically targeted, unless several windows of cars on the block were also smashed in.

And the irony of having my window broken on a sleepy street in Fairfield after having no problems in the Bronx for more than two decades is not lost on me.

I went to all the places I was meant to be, cancelled Baxter's appointment since we now have only one car, and by dinner time I was exhausted. I decided to rest my head for a moment and ended up asleep, soundly asleep, till past midnight. It was a long day.

September 11, 2001

Nine years ago today, I was in my office at the Howard Haber Early Learning Center in the Bronx when we received reports that the twin towers were burning and Manhattan had been shut down.

I left to pick up my daughter, at school a mile away, and discovered police blocking on-ramps to the bridges. The children at my daughter's school were in church for Mass and the half hour I waited felt like a century.

With my daughter safe and with me, I returned to work, where efforts were being made to get all the children and staff home and safe. It was ordered panic and I was grateful all my work complying contact information on the children was able to assist in all the chaos of the day. I didn't sit down until we were down to our last 4 children. Then I saw the video of the planes hitting...It felt like I was physically struck.

I still feel that way when I see the footage.

I didn;t leave school till the last child was picked up at 5:30pm. By then the scale was started to set in. Mayor Rudy Giuliani said our losses would be more than we could bear...

My friends in Europe were calling as I arrived home, and I heard relief in their voices on hearing we were safe.

The school, the city, was closed down the next day. I spent it watching CNN. The news was bad and getting worse. So many good men that I had known...everyone knew someone.

It still seems like yesterday. I still miss them.

Bristol Weekend Part Two

The Nationwide race, my very first NASCAR event, was scheduled for 7:00pm and with all the running around, and the long walk- golf cart- walk…I was tired and HOT when we finally got to our very good seats in turn one. I was happy they were actually seats as some areas were metal benches- that would not have worked for me. An added bonus was the $5 Tony Stewart hat I got to match my- oops I meant Rick’s- Tony Stewart hoodie he got in Martinsville. I fit right in!

The scanners were helpful for keeping up with what was happening, and the race was quite exciting, with frequent leader changes and a few interesting wrecks- who knew a car could do to turns up on a wall- and thankfully, no one was hurt.

The drawback is that I don’t know the Nationwide drivers that aren’t in the Sprint cup, and most of the Sprint cup guys are in different numbers in the Nationwide. This made it difficult to keep track.

Kyle Bush- the guy people love to hate- added to his win in the truck race by knocking Brad out of the way and winning his second race this week. It was a long walk-golf cart-walk home and we were out cold nearly as soon as we hit the sheets.

The next day we had rain, but it cleared before the race and Rick and I went shopping for my Jimmie Johnson bling- a really nice hat and hoodie- I am a happy girl. Don’t be hating me just cause my guy cheats better than your guy, Margie…

I also got Bristol and Jack Daniels shot glasses and a cool Tony Stewart T-shirt of my own. I am a happy girl. I was pleasantly surprised to see that the JD trailer won’t even sell t-shirts to those under 21.

Our seats looked right down on my boy’s pit area, as Jimmy had the pole. Did I mention he won at the track earlier in the season?

There was on very interesting, intoxicated woman about six rows down from us, who gave an “I LOVE YOU” hand gesture each time Dale Jr. passed, while flipping the bird at Jeff Gordon on 500 occasions. She was the real entertainment in our section.

The race was rather boring with it’s lack of significant action. The crowd had only Jimmie Johnson’s kiss of death into the wall after turn 3 to really cheer about… And Tony had issues after being caught up in an accident himself…

Kyle Bush- who was not wrecked by Brad as was widely expected- walked away with his third win of the week, when the last 50 laps proved to be wholly unexciting. My verdict- the Nationwide race won, hands down…

There were no golf carts after the race so we walked back all the way to the road to our subdivision, where we had prudently stashed the Land Rover. I was delighted to sit in the a/c after the long walk.

The traffic was INSANE- and that might be an understatement as the mass exodus began. I was glad to settle in for the night

Happy Anniversary to us!

Bristol Weekend Part One

I took off from 8/23/10 to 8/26/2010, and due to my shortened work week, I had 10 days in a row without work…I have not been out of the hospital for that much time since I started… I forgot what it felt like to be completely out of work mode…

Thursday evening, I dropped John with my cousin for the weekend and went home to pack- I was heading to my first NASCAR race. I got the tickets from Peg and Tony, as a 3rd anniversary gift for Rick… He was delighted. Lyle, his step-son, got tickets from Tony’s cousin, so he and his girlfriend Lindsey joined us for the weekend.

On August 20, we drove down to Bristol- and it was RV camper MADNESS- approximately 160,000 attend the race in what is usually a small town, so campers and RVs were parked in parking lots, fields, and along the grass at the side of the state roads. It was a huge crowd. Lindsey and Lyle stayed at our original destination- rooms in a house were Peg and Tony have rented for years, but due to Rick’s allergy to dogs, we could not stay. (There was debate as to if I asked about dogs when paying, so I let Rick deal with the individual to prevent me from going Bronx on him and telling him what I really thought of the situation- I did not want to sleep in the truck!)

The room we were shown next was behind a Southern Baptist Church, and it is where Church visitors (ie missionaries) stayed when visiting the church. The room was impeccably clean, the bed was comfortable, if a bit on the small side, it was a good 2 mile walk from the track, it had a closet toilet on the left, a closet shower stall on the right and a sink that faced the bed, on the wall to the left as you walked in.

The bed was against the right and back wall, and a small dresser was across from the bed on the door wall. There was less than a foot between the dresser and the bed and only about three feet from the end of the bed to the sink.

Did I mention the religious verses on the wall?

But it was air conditioned and dog free so we told Chris, another man with the company, who had driven us out to the Church, that Lindsey and Lyle would go back to the original house, and that Rick and I would make do in the backyard of the Baptist Church. And I told Chris outright that this was not what we paid for and clearly we would be due a refund of a portion of our fee, which he agreed to on the spot.

I wasn’t happy, but I understood we were lucky to find anything available at all on Race weekend. And clearly I have stayed in worse places. But I was disappointed. Happy Anniversary to us…

Chris said he would try and find us a better room and we settled in.

But not for long. Chris- a really good man- reached a gentleman who they had worked with in the past. He had two rooms already rented, but had a room empty- it just wasn’t prepped. He gave Rick the address and we were on the road again…

We ultimately found ourselves about two miles from the racetrack on the other side, in a lovely subdivision that clearly suffered with the housing decline. Many empty lots were dotted among the homes, which were lovely. We stayed in a large 5 bedroom house that was really big on wallpaper and faux painting, but lovely. Our room, easily 3 times the size of the Missionary bedroom, was nice, clean and well furnished. We were off to the races…

Gastric Bypass Update

Yeah- after doing all the pre-surgery stuff,and running all over the medical world, I have decided this whole bypass thing is not for me. I was all set to cancel my appointment tomorrow, and low and behold, I just got a call from the office saying the doctor will be out of town and unable to see me...

A sign?

I won't be rescheduling the appointment.

Now I need to start doing some lifestyle change...

Questions

This is a list of questions that is traveling from blog to blog so I thought I would give my own answers.

What experience has shaped you most and why?
Peace Corps service has had the biggest impact on how I interact with the world because it helped me understand poverty and empathy and generosity on a level I never did before. It has made me a better mother, a better friend and a better person.

If you had a whole day with no commitments, what would you do?
I would brew a pot of tea, settle in with a good book and read in the morning, visit some vintage shops and have a leisurely lunch with friends, be home by the time the kids arrived home and do family game night with a run to whatever fast food place won the vote.


What food or drink could you never give up?
Tea- cannot do it.

If you could travel anywhere, where would it be and why?
Africa on safari- it is a lifelong dream.


Who do you have a crush on?
???

If you were leader of your country, what would you do?
Everyone would have medical insurance that covered all of their needs without bankrupting them or the country.

Give me one savory recipe that doesn’t include cheese.
Why cook without cheese?

What did you think you were going to be when you grew up?
From the time I was 12, I wanted to be a nurse…I know, boring…

If you could spend just one day in someone else’s body, who would it be?
Angelina Jolie…

Which woman writer, living or dead, do you admire most?
Jane Austin, cause she was able to capture a time and keep it alive. Love her.

What character trait inspires you the most?
Bravery- people who do amazing brave things make me proud of mankind. Like a guy who jumps on the subway tracks to rescue a stranger, or the woman who showed up to Newark airport to offer a stranded family shelter and food when they were unable to fly home due to the ash cloud and were out of money.

What is your favorite kind of music?
I just can’t pick one…Big Hair Eighties rock…Zeppelin, Floyd…Journey… Charlie Daniels…Meatloaf…Madonna… Billy Joel…John Denver… Depending on my mood, they are all favorites


What is one fact about you that most people who know you wouldn’t guess?
I am a birthmom. Most people I met after my first son was born don’t know about him. I don’t always feel safe sharing that information. Afraid of being judged.

If money were no object, what's one thing you don't own now or can't afford to do that you'd like to have or do?
I would love a Cessna- course I will need a pilot as well cause my vision isn’t good enough to fly.

Sleep Study

I did my sleep study- an ordeal let me tell you- and the worst night of sleep I have had in a very long time. Aside from having jumping bugs in the bathroom (can you say fleas) which the tech denied, and being told there were no other rooms available (the one next to me was empty) I was just so uncomfortable that sleep was hard to come by.

And I just received a bill for over $300- apparently my portion of the testing costs after Humana opted to pay their rate for the testing. But they are in-network and obligated to accept the amount agreed to.

Health Care reform, where are you?

Ireland

I live near my aunt, Ann. She has lived in Ohio since the 1970's, but Ireland is still her home. She and her two sisters made a place for themselves in America and raised their children here, and now have grandchildren here, but all three returned to Ireland as life allowed.

I also go to my mother's original home as often as possible, and that is never enough. I get homesick for a country I was not born in. My mother worked in this farm yard, and went to a two room school.
As a New Yorker, I cannot imagine such a rural upbringing. The photos of that time bring to life a part of my mother I have never known. They show me the life my aunts and uncles lived before me, and the family I did not have the opportunity to meet.

The King of Kings

Last night we had a thunder/lightening storm that was frightening in its ferocity. Booming thunder, driving rain and multiple lightening stikes, as well as rotating winds that signal tornado potential.

On I 75, outside of a church, there stood a 6 story high statue depicting Jesus from the waist up, hands extended to the heavens. The locals named him "Touchdown Jesus"- clearly football is huge here. I had to have the significance explained to me. Apparently, the hands raised high is how a ref signals a touchdown in football. Who knew?

Last night, lightening struck the right hand of Jesus, and the huge statue burned to the ground.

The iconic statue is gone.

What does it mean when lightening strikes the right hand of God and He burned to the ground?

When the fire was called in to 911, even the callers didn't seem to believe what they were seeing.

The church has vowed to rebuild the "King of Kings" statue.

Divorce 2010

No- I am not divorced yet. I know what you are thinking…
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY TAKE SO LONG…
 
My soon to be ex and I have lived in separate states since 2006.
I was living here almost a year when I first looked into divorcing him. 
I was fine with being separated until he didn’t file a tax return for me with 
NYS.
 
I asked him in March 2007 to get it done when he had his taxes prepared,
because my tax person couldn’t do it. 

(That was the year I had the WORST tax preparer on the planet, 
she even got my Fairfield taxes wrong. And you don't pay Fairfield
taxes when you work in Cincinnati)
 
I asked him to mail me a copy for my records. He kept saying he would. 
Then in the beginning of August, he admitted he didn’t have them done. 

The absolute final straw… I told him I was going to file for divorce 
and move on with my life.
 
I went to three lawyers before finding Fred, who is now representing me.
 
The first was a man recommended by a friend.
He wanted a load of money up front, and was not sure he could
bring things to conclusion without my ex coming to court. 
And that I could not count on.
 
The second hardly counts- her office staff were useless, 
and so we never got together.
 
The third one thought I was his law clerk and 
should do all his paperwork for him.
 
In December 2009 after my on/off, on/off non-efforts, 
I decided to try again.
 
This time I found Fred.
 
He talked me through the process and told me we could do it at reasonable cost, and get it done in a reasonable time frame. 
We got started, and by March the paperwork was filed with the court.
 
My soon to be ex was served shortly after and seemed resigned to the divorce going through. 
He even met the man in my life, Rick. And it was very civilized.
 
Then came Parenting class.
 
In Butler county, the mandatory parenting class is required for 
petition finalization. 
If you have kids, there is NO WAY around the requirement. 
The ex- in New York, was required to go as well. 
So of course I had to find him a course.
Four hours of my life I will never get back. Split into 2 sessions.
 
And just when we are all settled with a final decree prepared… 
 
My soon to be ex hired a lawyer…
 
Visions of starting this whole process again sprang to my mind, 
so I called him to ask what he objected to.
 
He does not want to change any of the agreed upon terms. 
 
So they set the pre-trial date for next Thursday...
I won't be attending because 
I have a work event that I cannot miss.
If I had been able to attend, I could 
have had my divorce finalized right then and there.
 
As it is, they will schedule a date for the final decree 
at the pre-trial. I will stand before the judge and state 
that it is my desire to be divorced.
 
Then I will be done. 

Fishing Derby

So on May 22, 2010, our scout pack had it's second annual fishing derby. This outing was different in a number of ways. We were at a private lake this time. There was no registration fee. And my son and many other boys actually caught fish. Last year we only had one boy catch one fish.

And of course John had to get a photo with his fish before we released it

He doesn't look it, but he was very excited about catching the fish. I can't wait till next year.

Physical Therapy

So okay, my patella is not broken.

I will be working from home for about the next month while attending PT three times a week.

I am down to one crutch.

My knee hurts like crazy.

And the PTs I am working with, Michael and Kevin, do not have a real grasp on how badly out of shape I was before I fell.

But it is not all bad...

I do like the elliptical machine...

I finally went to the YMCA that I joined in 2006 and got cleared to use the weight room...

Yeah, okay, that is it so far.

Falling off the sidewalk...

Or tripping off the sidewalk...stumbling, maybe...

Whatever.

I was walking into the hospital, thinking about the busy clinic day ahead. There is a cement path that leads from the garage to the sidewalk that forms a "T" shape- the edge where the path meets the sidewalk is mulched, but sits about two inches below the cement. As the front of my shoe went down in the mulch, my next step caught on the sidewalk and I fell forward.

I landed full force on my left knee.

Mortified, my first instinct was to jump up, but the pain was blinding.

I rolled to my side and tried to prepare myself for the act of standing.

Then the firemen arrived.

Really? Firemen. I wasn't dying... because you don't die of embarrassment.

They asked if I wanted an ambulance...Did I mention I wasn't dying?

I declined the ambulance and they helped get me up off the ground and onto a bench.

That is where I was when the Code Team arrived from the main hospital building. They actually seemed disappointed that I wasn't actually dying. But then they did run the half mile to get to me. Did I mention that one was packing an O2 tank. Yeah, they were not happy.

I thanked them for coming and the firemen insisted on walking with me to my office. I will never live this down.

I was in a good amount of pain, and called employee health, who wanted me to go get an x-ray at another place even though we have a radiology dept right here.

Then I had to go to employee health. Where I was told I might have a fracture of the patella- AKA kneecap...

Really?

So I go to Ortho tomorrow and am on pain meds tonight.

Don't even ask how bad I am on crutches.

The Longest Day

Today a loved one is on the receiving end of an intervention. It has been a long time coming. DWIs have preceded it.

Three attempts at out-patient treatment have failed.

I feel like this is our last hope.

I feel guilty that I can’t be there.

I am mentally exhausted.

They started at 7:30am. I read my letter at just past 8am.

I have had no word since.

Praying for a miracle, I am not hopeful. I don’t believe it will work. That in-patient rehab will happen. But I cannot bear the thought of failure.

Ellen Moore

Clones

Today is my Grandmother's 93rd birthday. She was born in Kelleevan in Co. Monaghan in 1917, and married my grandfather in the late 1930's. They raised 10 children and shared the Moore family home with my grandfather's brothers and sisters.

Ellen Moore is an amazing woman. She worked hard and shared all she had with all of us. I am grateful to have such a fine role model.

Happy Birthday, Granny.

Riding a bike for the first time

My son mastered riding a two wheeler this evening, just as the sun was setting. I had been working on it since the weather warmed up and he has been SO CLOSE for such a long time. Tonight he was ready. Rick went out with him and got him going. He rode up and down the street as the light faded and I felt such joy at his accomplishment. I am so proud of him for trying, over and over, in spite of being apprehensive. What a delight! I cheered him and his big smile just melted my heart. I think I can became I CAN!

What a great way to end the day.

The Keeper

So I was internet browsing and read an interesting article…

The 6 Guys you will end up dating was written by The Frisky on 4/7/10 (http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/personal/04/07/tf.six.guys.you.date/index.html)

The first 5 types were no as interesting to me as they once might have been, but number six caught my eye:


The Keeper: "Is this real life?" He's handsome, but he's no pretty boy. He's ambitious and successful, but not a workaholic. He's really into you, the real you, and maybe in some way that you can only admit to yourself now, you weren't even the real you until you met him.

I am dating The Keeper. It is hard to imagine at this late stage of the game but it is true none the less. Rick is not what I was looking for when we met in August of 2007, but over the last 2+ years he has been everything I need and more.

An electrical engineer, he builds the electric elements of the machinery his company creates. He was also a car mechanic, so he can do the vast majority of car stuff. And he can build and fix computers… I have NO skills in any of these areas. Changing a light bulb is the extent of my electric knowledge, which is likely sad news to my high school physics teacher who spent a quarter of the year on all things electrical. My car gets gas and oil regularly, and I could probably change a flat if push came to shove… but AAA was invented for me. And my computer skills are strictly user skills. My best trick for a sick machine is cutting the power, then plugging the computer back in.

He is my equal in Trivial Pursuit. He is not a drinker of adult beverages, and is a non-smoker. He is calm and patient and extremely kind. He builds Pinewood Derby cars with my son and urges me to be patient with my daughter

He has limited skills in the housework arena and sometimes in helping others (and I am in this group contributing to the problem) he leaves himself for last. Which means my car gets more attention than the construction projects in his home. So while he was away on business in China, a friend did a project on his list. My garden man will also be doing some yard work, with Rick’s consent.


I am happy. I am content. I love him.

He isn’t perfect. He is perfect for me.

Bullies

Phoebe Prince was bullied to the point that suicide was her answer. The relentless harassment she was subjected to at the hands of fellow students will be played out in court and the media, and I pray justice is served.

During my first year in high school, I was subjected to bullying as the result of a conversation I had with Tracy, who dated a friend of mine. We were not friends, a point I should not have lost sight of. During our conversation we discussed Nicky and Sue, and a kiss.

Sue had made out with Nicky the day before he asked out Roe, a girl I had never met. Tracy reported to Roe it was the day after.

Susan and I began as freshman at the high school where Roe and Tracy were sophomores. And from the first day it was bad.

There was name calling, books were knocked from my arms, and it was not just Roe, a thug and bully, but also her girlfriends. I was pushed on stairs and harassed on buses and after a while, it was easier to spend lunch in the English Resource Center, where I was able to be alone and safe. In a previous life I had been one to solve a problem like this by fighting back, but because it was on school grounds, I would be subject to expulsion. I swallowed the abuse.

Months of this went by, and I HATED school. A school I begged my mother to attend. It was a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. My parents told me I wasn’t allowed to transfer. And no, I never told them all that was going on.

Finally, I confessed to my dear friend Kathy that I was being bullied. It was the day Roe had grabbed me by my coat when I was waiting for the bus. The buttons of my coat went flying in every direction, and I knew if I defended myself I would be expelled, but it was tempting. I was DONE! I stopped being afraid and I got pissed.

I told Kathy everything. Kathy didn't go to my high school.

And Kathy helped me.

Her junior sister, Mary, had a friend Juliet at my high school who knew Roe. From what I was told, Mary sent Roe a message- I was not unprotected. Harassing me would bring Mary, Kathy and others to our school, and Roe would regret it.

So a threat of physical violence, clearly stated and backed up, ended my nightmare for the most part. I still avoided this girl and her friends as much as possible, but I felt the danger of a physical altercation had passed. I would have defended myself, but was glad I didn’t have to.

Years later, I met one of Roe’s friends in a social setting. Clare was, by no means, the worst in her treatment of me, but she was there and saw it, over and over. None of them seemed to mind it at the time.

She asked me if I hated her then. No. I think she was as much a victim of Roe’s behavior as I was.

I don’t know what made Roe go after me. Did she think I had lied? Bad mouthed her boyfriend? How come Nicky got off scott free while Sue and I were harassed?

I never saw her after she graduated and don’t know what she has done since high school. I wonder if she will teach her children to bully others around them. I wonder if the cycle will continue.

My Honda Civic

After putting $60 in my gas tank this morning, I am missing my Honda Civic. It has been stranded outside my house for over a month and I miss it.

It has a broken throttle senor, according to the AutoZone computer. This wouldn’t bother me, but I got a new throttle sensor installed as my birthday gift last year. Not a romantic gift, like the lovely jewelry I got this year, but much appreciated.

So how did the first one work from 2003 till 2009 and this one didn’t last a year?

Did I mention Honda wants like $1500 for the part? So clearly the Honda will be waiting for a while. I just spent $400 dollars getting tires for the car I bought Liz in December, and between registering all three vehicles and the increase in insurance costs now that Liz has her license, my car fund is EMPTY!

Don’t get me wrong, the Land Rover is a great ride. The seat warmer is awesome on cold mornings and the stereo is a six disk changer…not to mention the two sun roof openings with shades… a wonderful way to travel. But with gas at nearly three dollars a gallon, I miss my Honda.

I bought my dark blue Honda new in August 2003. It was just over $15,000 and after the downpayment, I had a $10,000 3-year car loan. I loved my car. It handled well and did everything I needed- a real workhorse that I could rely on.

My first car was a green 1977 LTD (The Green Machine) that had a cracked block, so we had to add a quart of oil before every outing. (We kept a case in the trunk). It was a steal at $400 dollars in 1984.

My next car was $1200, a brown Chrysler LaBaron, and it always needed something. Of course driving through Hunt’s Point construction everyday was hard on it…I got seven flats in a month before turning to Mass Transit and sending the car to my sister Ellen.

It was almost three years before I bought my Dodge Spirit. A nice little grey car that my friend Arnie found for me. He had married my college friend Sally and she told him to find me a good reliable car. And it served me well until the Honda came along.

(We also bought a black Dodge Neon for $1800 when my husband George needed wheels- it worked around the neighborhood for a while, but once it started having issues it was a money pit. I would not drive one again if I got it for free.)

So my Honda was like heaven, and was mine. I gave it gas and oil and it gave me six years of perfect service. I drove to and from Ohio six times when we were moving and never worried about my little Civic.

Even when I bought my Land Rover in 2008, I still favored my little Honda for commuting. Let's face it, the biggest reason I bought Liz her purple 1999 Corolla was so she would not drive my Honda.

So my tax money will be going to my first real car, my 2003 baby. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Easter Prep 2010

I will spend this weekend remembering that Jesus gave his life so that we can go to heaven, and will make a concerted effort not to be pissed that the Catholic Church did a horrid job protecting the children it was meant to serve. I know so many wonderful priests who have served us and given their life to God …. This scandal has slapped all of these good men in the face and mocked what they believe. And I HATE that so many bad men were protected… After hurting children… that they were able to gain access repeatedly. It makes me so angry.

Jesus will judge them all.

So Easter is this Sunday. It is springtime and with John preparing for First Communion later this month, it will be an important Easter Mass. “GOD” school, which was called CCD where I came from and is some other 3-letter code now, is every Monday night. This week, since school is closed, there were no classes. Also no Cub Scout meetings- I haven’t had this much free time since September. Spring Break for mommy rocks.

On Saturday, my cousin Sara and her family are hosting Easter dinner. I only found out yesterday, because the message I got was: “Easter at Sara’s at 1, Bring dessert”

It was written by a teenager who clearly has not mastered the WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE enough to know that an additional word was needed to convey the message.

My daughter was surprised I made plans for Saturday. The conversation went like this:

“You can’t take John and his friends to the movies on Saturday. Mom, we are going to Sara’s for Easter.” (She looks at me like this makes complete sense.)

“Easter is Sunday, hence the term ‘Easter Sunday.’” (I am thinking I wasted A LOT of money on Catholic School)

“Yes, Easter is Sunday, dinner at Sara’s is Saturday” (Looking at me with the annoyance stare)

“The message said ‘Easter at Sara’s’. You should have mentioned it was Saturday…”

Interrupting me, “Obviously I didn’t write the message…” (Can you pick up the distain?)

Oh the Joy of Teenagers…

So I need to make a dessert for Easter dinner, which means I have to go shopping and I am not looking forward to it. I wish the grocery fairy would come and restock my panty as I run low on things.

Shopping on a “fasting” day. Wish me luck…

Dear Abby

So I was reading Dear Abby on Yahoo today (Friday, April 2, 2010) over my breakfast coffee and read the following letter and her response:

DEAR ABBY: Is it OK to have sex when you're a guest in someone's home? I say no, but my husband feels the host knows we're married so it's not inappropriate. I think it's rude and shows a lack of respect for the host.Would you please settle this once and for all? When we stay with friends, we end up fighting during our vacation. -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN TEXAS

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: For a married couple to make love when they are houseguests isn't rude or disrespectful, provided the pictures don't fall off the walls and there are no complaints about noise from the neighbors. However, if the idea makes you uncomfortable and unable to relax and enjoy the intimacy, then you and your husband should vacation in a hotel where you can expect to have more privacy.

The response seemed appropriate, and I scrolled down to read the comments. This one caused me to spurt coffee out my nose:

“Sex at our friend's house? That's why they make sheets. Besides, anyone remember the 70's. We had sex WITH our friends at their house.....sheeesh.” M.

Clearly I lead a boring life…

Weight Loss Surgery

I went to a seminar last night to discuss weight loss surgery. As the mother of two relatively young children, I need to consider drastic action now. I have a BMI of 51 and soaring high blood pressure. Sleep apnea is causing me to wake up at night. Now is the time.

Is it the easy way out? Some people say so. I need to get my body moving, yet I can’t exercise for a long enough period of time because of my weight. How is that for a catch-22? I can’t walk fifty yards without feeling like my heart is going to give out, and walking up and down stairs is difficult. My breathing is heavy after minimal exertion and I was sicker last winter with asthma than I want to remember. I feel like I am running out of time.

Of course, I spent a long time eating carelessly. I need to change that as well. Dieting does work to a point. Doing Nutrisystem, while successful, is too costly. Portion sizes and better nutritional choices need to be my priority.

So I took the first tentative step. I went to a Healthy Weight Solutions seminar hosted by Dr. Northup, a congenial man who did a fellowship in bariatric surgery. He talked about the band, the sleeve, and the bypass, and the differences between the three.

I love the idea of the sleeve, a restrictive procedure, because there is no foreign body, and it does not change the digestive process. However, it is not FDA approved and so is not covered by my insurance policy… so that one is out.

The band is also a restrictive procedure, but it requires the band and port to be internal, and that worries the nurse in me- what if I react to it? It can also be dislodged and there are other issues that I need to content with, like more frequent hospital visits. Not crazy about that since I work for a living. It is completely reversible.

The bypass is restrictive and malabsorptive, and changes the way the body digests food. Life-long supplements and risks, but the response is tremendous- 95% of hypertension eliminated, compared to 40% with the band.

Decisions, decisions….

I will sit down with the doctor in about two weeks, and we will go from there. I am leaning toward the band, with a more gradual weight loss, but have not ruled out bypass and the huge impact it could have on my medical issues.

I hope I am divinely inspired, cause I am not sure what to do…

Licensed to Drive

My daughter got her license to drive today after a VERY brief driving test. I remember my test being more substantial. Taking longer. The longest part of the experience today was waiting on line to get her license photo taken...

Now I am supposed to let her drive... Alone. As in without an adult. By herself. Even when it rains. When there is fog. In the snow.

This is nerve- wracking...

She is, after all, my baby and there are some horrid drivers out there...

I miss mass transit...

The Butterfly Benefit

Epidermolysis Bullosa (EB) is a genetic skin condition in which the proteins of the skin are reduced, formed incorrectly or missing entirely. This results in blistering and wounds for those born with it. Depending on how severe the case is, it can be debilitating and even fatal. The children are "butterfly children" because their skin is as fragile as a butterfly's wings

Leslie Rader is a volunteer for DebRA of America (www.debra.org) and runs the New Family Advocate program that helps families who have a child with EB. Leslie and her husband Bryan got involved in EB after their second daughter, Lauren, was born with a fatal version of the disorder.

Today was the annual fundraiser Leslie has in Louisville Kentucky. Held at the Olmstead, the event included a silent auction, a fashion show, a quilt raffle and a nice lunch. The day was beautiful and the event was a huge success with over 200 people in attendance.

What a wonderful way to spend an afternoon.

Accidents

On Tuesday night just after 7pm, my daughter called me, upset. She and her 4 friends were traveling on a local road when the driver went off the road and hit an electrical pole, snapping it. The pole fell onto the truck they were traveling in, but the connected wires arrested its fall.

I asked my daughter if she had called 911, while rushing my son to the SUV. She said they had and began to cry. I urged her to listen to me, that I would be right there. The crash site was about 2 miles away.

I was halfway there when the medic called to say Liz was on a long board and did I consent to transport? I asked if he could await my arrival, that I was only moments away.

2 miles has never been so long.

John saw the lights. "There it is Mommy."

I had him stay in the car and went to find my daughter. I could see the fallen pole straining on the cables, but could not see the pickup. For this I am grateful.

Three of the teenagers were sitting on the back bumper of the ambulance, and a police officer was standing with one of the medics. I interrupted their conversation to ask for Liz, telling them she was not one of the girls sitting at the back of the ambulance.

They advised me she was inside the squad, and as they opened the door, I caught sight of my baby strapped to a long board and wearing a C-collar, blood caked in her hair. Her friend stood at her head, in her line of vision, his nose bleeding.

Liz was awake, and I asked her to do everything the medics told her to, and that I would meet her at the hospital.

Her friend came down off the ambulance and hugged me as he broke down.

"I am so sorry," he told me.

I hugged him tight and told him he needn't apologize- they were all alive and that was all that mattered.

I dropped John with a friend and another drove me to the emergency room, stopping on the way to pick up my daughter's good friend- I knew in the instant information age she would think the worst if she couldn't see Liz.

It was a long night in the ER. Head and neck X-rays, a CT- it was hard to explain to these teenagers that not being the first one treated in an ER was a good thing, that it meant they were stable and could wait.

The five of them were in pain. None had been wearing a seatbelt. One boy had some abrasions running down his arm, both he and Liz were missing shoes...

It was after midnight when we were discharged. Liz had dizziness from the concussion, neck pain that was likely whiplash, a lump on her head, and small cuts at her hairline.

It could have been much worse.

But I feel old.

FDNY

In honor of my friend Abby chatting up a hot fire fighter in Brooklyn today, I have decided to discuss New York's Bravest.

I never understood firefighters. The whole running into burning buildings to save people you don't know... I don't get it... Having been in a fire as child, I have a tremendous, perhaps irrational fear of fire... so I have tremendous respect for these men (and women)...but I would never date a firefighter. The fear is ingrained in me.

I worked as a temp at Metro Tech- did medical referrals for firefighters, chaperoning exams, doing PPDs and vaccines and such. And in 2000, I oversaw the urine drug screening at the firefighter test. In the six months I worked there, my admiration for these brave men grew. They were still little boys- there were no female firefighters working the test- and they were kind and chivalry was alive and well...

These men worked hard, played hard, and were one big family. They teased one another, told fascinating, terrifying stories, and made me grateful every day that there were brave men willing to do this job- and love it.

Larry, Tom, and Walter were in charge and oversaw the FDNY side of the test. Walter and I shared a love of the same author, and Larry and Tom teased us... working with these men, glimpsing at that life, was a gift- to be one of them, sort of, was wonderful.

So on 9/11/01, I prayed for these men I met, and all their brothers. Over 300 were lost among the 3000 dead. The wall of the fallen at Metro Tech doubled in size in a single day.

Dennis, Michael, Ray... just a few of those lost but they were firemen I knew. From the neighborhood. They died doing a job they loved. When Michael's body was recovered, they found that his last act this side of the grave was to open his coat and wrap it around the woman he was leading out of the towers. How can anyone be that brave? That selfless?

Firefighters are that brave. And I am thankful every day.

Haiti and the Israeli Field Hospital

Yitshak Kreiss, M.D., M.H.A., M.P.A, was the commander of the Israeli Defense Force field hospital in Haiti. In ten days of operation, his team treated over 1100 patients. By the time they left, other facilities were up and running, able to take over.

Today I heard Mitchell Schwaber, M.D. describe the time they spent in Haiti after the earthquake on December 12 that killed over 200,000. 86 hours after the earthquake, the hospital was up and running. Each patient had an electronic medical record with their photo.

The Israelis were joined in their efforts by Canadian nurses and Columbian surgeons. They used Moroccan casting material and Haitian-made orthopedic screws. They preformed lab tests, x-rays, surgery and delivered babies. They had an ethics panel to make the hard choices necessary in a disaster

After surgery, doctors worked the phones to make miracles happen. Their patients were transferred for additional care to a US surgical ship and hospitals in Miami and New York. Patients that were well enough went home.

All the care was free. In Haiti, where poverty was overwhelming, individuals received amazing, life saving care, regardless of the ability to pay.

Dr. Kreiss, on the day they were leaving, told his team, “Hope is the antidote to the despair of disaster” These amazing men and women gave the people of Haiti hope.

I for one am grateful.

The kids

So I am sure everyone brags about their kids- it is natural, we all think our kids are the best on the planet. I, like many, wonder and worry about what the future holds for my two major contributions to this world of ours. What great things will they do?

This is my favorite Cub scout and youngest child- sporting a recently lost tooth as well as a cheesy smile. He gives the best hugs, does all of his chores and is a big hearted little man.

My teenager is kind and amazingly beautiful- it really is hard to believe I had a hand in creating this beauty. She is a girlie girl- so not me- and I was never that thin and shapely... ever.

My children can exhaust me, exasperate me, and drive me crazy at times (though some might argue I was crazy to begin with)- when the light sabers and clothes litter his floor and she has an assignment that still isn't done at 11pm.

All that matters not at all when I get my hug and kiss goodnight, or when a quiet child slips under my covers asking me to sing the song that brings sleep. Parenting is hard. But it is totally worth it.