Certifications

 Several decades ago, on a hot July day, I reported (with my entire nursing class and hundreds of other nursing students) to the Jacob K. Javits Convention Center for the first day of my Nursing Board exam.

I was ready... I hoped. I had taken a review class (and a vacation to Ireland for my uncle's wedding) since graduation the month before. I was ready. And it was important. This exam was only given twice a year and I wanted to start working. I was still doing insurance review and other part time work... I wanted the rest of my life to begin.

They fingerprinted each of us, we stowed our personal items in lockers and entered the largest room I have ever been in.

2000 people, each at our own table, with pencils, scratch paper and and hour and a half, took the first portion of  the day's exam.

Filling in the dots, hoping I picked the best answer. Dilantin can't be run in D5. Airway- breathing- circulation.

I finished my test and left to eat. Had to be fingerprinted again on the way out... SO strange.

And in no time I returned to the room for the second half of the day's testing.

The worst part?

Coming back the next day to do two more portions of the test.

Unlike testing today, we didn't get results until the third week of September.  So I left, with many of my classmates, unsure if I passed or failed and hoping for the best.

I passed the first time. Got my first job and have worked as a nurse ever since. In all kinds of settings in lots of different places.

Then in 2014, the push came from my hospital- Magnet nurses were certified... But the review course for would care certification was expensive and I was told no. I thought the reasons were crap, but I wasn't in a position to pay out of pocket, so I let it go.

Moved the following year to another spot in the hospital and certification came up again. The hospital was offering a CPN training course to employees so I took it and went to take the test.

Which is a totally different animal now. All on computer. Weird, different, I drove to a testing center and while there were other people there, I had no idea what they all were testing for. A bit of a lonely experience.

And I was searched THROUGHLY before entering the testing center. I again had to lock up my stuff. Again there was paper and a pencil.

And weirdly, I got 3 questions on epiglottitis... which is weird cause it's rare now since the HIB vaccine, but we all knew what it was back in the day. Those really sick croup kids, sitting up and  leaning forward, drool spilling down, trying not to swallow... One of the things in Peds you only ever need to see once and you never want to see it again.

Then I had to do a survey about the testing center.  I have absolutely no idea how I scored them. Good I hope.

One change I totally loved was getting my results right away. I passed. I celebrated. I figured it would be my last time taking a big exam.

I was wrong. 

I am in a job now that needs a different certification. And the test is Saturday. I have no idea if I know enough.

210 minutes, 180 questions, Saturday at 8am.

Here goes nothing!

Farewell

 On the 26th of June in 2023, my younger sister called and told me there was a spot on her pancreas, that was seen on a follow MRI of her abdomen. She had a benign lesion in her ascending colon removed years before and was being screened due to it's size at the time it was removed.

I wanted not to worry her. A biopsy the following week, July 3rd, would tell us.

On July 5th, she had the biopsy results. And life changed in that moment.

My baby sister, who I loved so much, was diagnosed with an adenocarcinoma in the head of her pancreas. She would have a Whipple on August 10th, and her cancer was Stage 2 based on it's size of 2 cm.

She had a hard recovery from surgery and took part in a mRNA study, with vaccines to target future tumor growth.

We hoped for the best. Long time survival.

Her first new tumor was seen in the summer of 2024, in the 6th segment of her liver. Her cancer was now Stage 4. She was now living with cancer. The spot was killed off by radiation, and it was a year before we saw any new tumor activity. She was even given a break from therapy during the summer of 2025.

Unfortunately, the new growth was significant not just because of the large size of the main tumor, but by the fact that there were multiple satellite tumors.

It was the beginning of the end.

My sweet brave brilliant sister died on February 5th 2026 (well, just before midnight on the 4th, but it wasn't certified till 1:30 am on the 5th ... what can you do?)

She was 55 years old.

The funeral home had a long line for over three hours. the church was standing room only. Everyone came. Friends, family, everyone. Those who didn't come sent messages of love.

Before coming home, my sister's husband, who is my brother at this point, no in-law about it, gave me a letter Elle wrote to me before her Whipple.

The last letter I will ever get from my sister,

I haven't read it all the way through yet.

Just not sure I can...

I am still numb with grief. And it feels too much like a final goodbye.

I love you. I miss you. I will do all I can to keep you alive in the heart of all who love you. Heaven is lucky to have you.

 

A penny for your thoughts

 The last penny was just minted in Philly. 2025 sees the end of an over 200 year run for our smallest denomination of coin. Which seems to imply there will be only round number pricing... Not that pennies will be in short supply- there are tons of them around. I am sure I am like most people- I have a jar of pennies... and a plate with a few... some in the bottom of my bag...

Yeah, I rarely use them when paying cash, and cash payments are becoming more rare. And I don't even roll them up anymore to take into the bank. I still have the wrappers, I just lack the motivation.

But no more pennies? It just feels weird to me.

Fan Fiction

 I found the world of Janet Evanovich Fan Fiction quite by accident in November of 2022 after reading her Stephanie Plum and Wicked series. On discovery of a whole new world of Stephanie Plum stories, I started to read... and it was wonderful.

Reading voraciously, I started my journey by reading the earliest stories, so some authors got comments on their stories written over two decades ago. Then, I tried my hand at writing my version of a Babe story, including all the canon up to the latest book- which was 29 in the Plum series at that time.

I recently reread that first effort and now understand why editors are a needed part in the story telling process. I am tempted to rewrite the story, not changing the main tale, but clarifying some bits and pieces. 

I have two stories I am writing now... one is only two chapters away from completion, and the other is over halfway. 

The community is supportive, even when a troll sneaks in.

Three years later, I am still hooked.

A little of the old visits the new

 I have a new patient and they have a disorder that is right up my alley- Epidermolysis Bullosa. I am ten years out from that life- a lifetime ago, I worked with these patients full time...overtime.

EB was my calling, and I worked with families as the DebRA nurse, answering questions and providing emotional support. I made a difference every day. But the disease is the disease and while there are more and better treatments now, there is still no cure.

I will pray for this child, and all the EB children in my past- that they are doing well and have what they need... for as long as they have...

But I am reminded of why I stepped away. The pain, the anguish and the grief... It's like I never left.

Profiles in Courage

 I read "Profiles in Courage" by JFK during the Summer of 1983. It was also the summer I read "The Once and Future King" by T. H. White, Beowulf , the epic poem (God help me) - they were  assigned reading for Junior year. 

I enjoyed the stories of young King Arthur, and I enjoyed the stories of brave men standing up for what was right, even though it was political suicide- men who did the morally right thing.

And with the chaos of the early days of Trump 2.0, I pray for those in our government to do what is right to protect our Republic.

Love you always

 A long time ago in a neighborhood far, far away, I was a little girl who was lonely a lot of the time. It was a time when my friends were more acquaintances, and I spent a lot of time alone. It was also the summer after the fire happened.

The fire still gave me nightmares, even though nobody was hurt, and the damage was not so bad.

I traveled to Ohio that summer and found the girl who befriended me now lived farther away from my aunt. And I travelled to see her and those four days changed my life and gave me a friend I loved until the day he died.

As I listen to Davis Gates sing Goodbye Girl on this, the day of his birthday, in the year he would be 63, I smile again for the boy who encouraged me to write down my stories. I will always love you. I will always miss you. And I will always write down my stories.