Farewell

 On the 26th of June in 2023, my younger sister called and told me there was a spot on her pancreas, that was seen on a follow MRI of her abdomen. She had a benign lesion in her ascending colon removed years before and was being screened due to it's size at the time it was removed.

I wanted not to worry her. A biopsy the following week, July 3rd, would tell us.

On July 5th, she had the biopsy results. And life changed in that moment.

My baby sister, who I loved so much, was diagnosed with an adenocarcinoma in the head of her pancreas. She would have a Whipple on August 10th, and her cancer was Stage 2 based on it's size of 2 cm.

She had a hard recovery from surgery and took part in a mRNA study, with vaccines to target future tumor growth.

We hoped for the best. Long time survival.

Her first new tumor was seen in the summer of 2024, in the 6th segment of her liver. Her cancer was now Stage 4. She was now living with cancer. The spot was killed off by radiation, and it was a year before we saw any new tumor activity. She was even given a break from therapy during the summer of 2025.

Unfortunately, the new growth was significant not just because of the large size of the main tumor, but by the fact that there were multiple satellite tumors.

It was the beginning of the end.

My sweet brave brilliant sister died on February 5th 2026 (well, just before midnight on the 4th, but it wasn't certified till 1:30 am on the 5th ... what can you do?)

She was 55 years old.

The funeral home had a long line for over three hours. the church was standing room only. Everyone came. Friends, family, everyone. Those who didn't come sent messages of love.

Before coming home, my sister's husband, who is my brother at this point, no in-law about it, gave me a letter Elle wrote to me before her Whipple.

The last letter I will ever get from my sister,

I haven't read it all the way through yet.

Just not sure I can...

I am still numb with grief. And it feels too much like a final goodbye.

I love you. I miss you. I will do all I can to keep you alive in the heart of all who love you. Heaven is lucky to have you.

 

A penny for your thoughts

 The last penny was just minted in Philly. 2025 sees the end of an over 200 year run for our smallest denomination of coin. Which seems to imply there will be only round number pricing... Not that pennies will be in short supply- there are tons of them around. I am sure I am like most people- I have a jar of pennies... and a plate with a few... some in the bottom of my bag...

Yeah, I rarely use them when paying cash, and cash payments are becoming more rare. And I don't even roll them up anymore to take into the bank. I still have the wrappers, I just lack the motivation.

But no more pennies? It just feels weird to me.

Fan Fiction

 I found the world of Janet Evanovich Fan Fiction quite by accident in November of 2022 after reading her Stephanie Plum and Wicked series. On discovery of a whole new world of Stephanie Plum stories, I started to read... and it was wonderful.

Reading voraciously, I started my journey by reading the earliest stories, so some authors got comments on their stories written over two decades ago. Then, I tried my hand at writing my version of a Babe story, including all the canon up to the latest book- which was 29 in the Plum series at that time.

I recently reread that first effort and now understand why editors are a needed part in the story telling process. I am tempted to rewrite the story, not changing the main tale, but clarifying some bits and pieces. 

I have two stories I am writing now... one is only two chapters away from completion, and the other is over halfway. 

The community is supportive, even when a troll sneaks in.

Three years later, I am still hooked.

A little of the old visits the new

 I have a new patient and they have a disorder that is right up my alley- Epidermolysis Bullosa. I am ten years out from that life- a lifetime ago, I worked with these patients full time...overtime.

EB was my calling, and I worked with families as the DebRA nurse, answering questions and providing emotional support. I made a difference every day. But the disease is the disease and while there are more and better treatments now, there is still no cure.

I will pray for this child, and all the EB children in my past- that they are doing well and have what they need... for as long as they have...

But I am reminded of why I stepped away. The pain, the anguish and the grief... It's like I never left.

Profiles in Courage

 I read "Profiles in Courage" by JFK during the Summer of 1983. It was also the summer I read "The Once and Future King" by T. H. White, Beowulf , the epic poem (God help me) - they were  assigned reading for Junior year. 

I enjoyed the stories of young King Arthur, and I enjoyed the stories of brave men standing up for what was right, even though it was political suicide- men who did the morally right thing.

And with the chaos of the early days of Trump 2.0, I pray for those in our government to do what is right to protect our Republic.

Love you always

 A long time ago in a neighborhood far, far away, I was a little girl who was lonely a lot of the time. It was a time when my friends were more acquaintances, and I spent a lot of time alone. It was also the summer after the fire happened.

The fire still gave me nightmares, even though nobody was hurt, and the damage was not so bad.

I traveled to Ohio that summer and found the girl who befriended me now lived farther away from my aunt. And I travelled to see her and those four days changed my life and gave me a friend I loved until the day he died.

As I listen to Davis Gates sing Goodbye Girl on this, the day of his birthday, in the year he would be 63, I smile again for the boy who encouraged me to write down my stories. I will always love you. I will always miss you. And I will always write down my stories.

Year One

 I became an RN Care Manager a year ago today. I have been a Nurse for over 30 years and I think that this will be my retirement job- but I have said that before, so there is no guarantee

But this is a role that has some real benefits- lower taxes, very short commute (6 miles) free parking- not the norm for our hospital- and I have to pack my lunch as the cafeteria has limited options and I haven't gotten a Starbucks latte at the cart here since I started. I am saving a ton of money!

On the downside, I have to update my CV- a task I really do not enjoy- and this is coming from someone who likes to write. Describing what I do with the families shouldn't be as hard as I am finding it.

I also have to get certified, which means taking the certification test- I am already dreading it and I still have a year before I am eligible to schedule it. It's difficult and some folks I work with have not passed it the first time they took it.

I have decided to start reading material early and try to slowly learn the language of the work. I say that because there are many things on the test (veteran benefits, worker's comp and rehab facility regs) that are no part of the work I do each day. My practice involved complex medical needs in children under 19 years of age. So not a lot of Medicare rules of reimbursement in my line of work.

At least I will ace anything related to children and young adults... I hope.

It's a challenge to prepare for a test that is still so far away- like the Nursing Boards all over again. But as I was told then, the worst thing to happen if I don't pass is taking the test again. And paying for it again.

We will see how it goes.

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