Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day!

On Mother's Day, I often think about my mother who passed away in 2002. I think of the births of my three children. I think about what motherhood means.

I think about being a Mom to Liz and John... all it entails. Being unpopular because the rules live here. Holding them when they are afraid, loving them and coaxing them toward adulthood. Worrying about their choices. Hoping they reach their dreams...

But I spend time thinking about my "secret child", the one nobody talks about, the one that is rarely acknowledged. As a birthmom to a child I placed for adoption, it is almost like I am not permitted to take any credit for this wonderful child. Lord knows, his mom Jen is magic, and his dad Paul is a true gift to fatherhood. I am forever grateful for that. And the huge family he is a part of gives me great comfort. One day, I am sure, we will touch base and catch up and it will be lovely.

Matt's folks do their best to acknowledge my gift to them. They have shared all the details with our son. They are amazing, kind people. They have allowed me to watch him grow up and it has been such a gift.

That said, on my side, I often feel like I am meant to suck up the silence and forget, "hush, don't talk about THAT" from those who never approved of my choice- I am getting what I deserve for walking away.... and the well-meaning don't know what to say. But for the birthmoms out there, I know what you gave up, I know what it feels like. I am praying for you tonight.