One of those weeks...

I am having a bad week. It was a week that started with the 50th Birthday of my ex, who died last summer. I am still so sad about it. And it isn't like I am the widow and people can understand my grief. I am the ex-wife and divorced and so why am I so sad, still.

Then the next day, during a zoom meeting with my work team, an integral member announced he is leaving our institution. And from what I could see from the faces of those on the call, I was the last one to know this huge piece of news. I can only thank heavens that I:

 a) did not say YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! on the call, because my Bronx was in my mouth begging to come out.

b) had no camera on my computer to capture my expression.

He only took over the role in December, when the person who was in the position retired. And he is suggesting the leadership role move to another division. One I do not work in. While I agree the person he is thinking of is perfect to take over the role, I have NO IDEA how that will impact my role, job, future. 

Wednesday involved a cancer scare for one of my daughter's friends (a twenty-something). She is terrified and has to stay at work because she can't take time off. Then in my online class, our professor was dismissive of our concerns about our project, and I once again did not say YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! I really want to drop this class.

How is it only Wednesday??? 

The last time I had a week like this, I was in college and had to drop a class due to illness, move out of the dorm because I didn't carry enough credits, lost my college related employment and then had  drop the rest of the classes I could no longer afford to attend because I was unemployed. And I found out the guy I broke up with but still loved with all my heart had moved on. I kept saying, it could be worse... After that week I stopped saying it cause it was like God was trying to prove a point.

Okay, that might have been worse than this week.

But I digress.

Today I worked side by side with my departing colleague, which was fine but I still have no answers. About my future, my plans, my life.

So I am taking off tomorrow- because this week has already been enough.