Forgiveness

I have a confession to make. Forgiveness is really hard for me.

I have a memory for details, dates, things said and forgotten. Friends of mine defer to my recollection of events, because they long ago deleted memories I can still vividly recall. A blessing when it comes to funny stories- like a family member who was house-sitting for my sister calling me because the dog locked them out…

Happened in the late 90’s and still makes me laugh.

Dancing at the drive thru at White Castle- on top of the car, really? Yeah- plenty I could forget.

I remember reaching out to a college friend, and chatting with his wife for ages. I imagine when he got home and she mentioned I called that his heart skipped a beat worrying about what I might have told her. (No, I did not give up any long held secrets- I am not that girl!)

Because I remember everything, it is hard for me to “forget” when I am hurt. “Forget” the words and deeds that intentionally or unintentionally wound me. And I get that it is better for me in the end to let go… I understand most don’t really care about what they did. If they got what they wanted, the ends justify the means and to some people, that is the only important thing.

The forgiveness is for my benefit, really.

My friend Eileen (who really is one of the most amazing women I will ever know) and I were talking not so long ago on the topic, and she reminded me of a basic fact.

People are human, they do their best.

She reminded me that the individual I was SO disappointed in did not have intent. There was no intent to injure me. She understood why it hurt, but was right. My pain was a side effect of a life choice.

The pain was unintentional.

Since that conversation, even my disappointment has sort of faded. In the grand scheme of things, really- What difference does any of it make?

And a weight lifts from me.