Nothing is so strong as gentleness and nothing is so gentle as real strength ~ Ralph W. Sockland

Nothing is so strong as gentleness and nothing is so gentle as real strength ~ Ralph W. Sockland

I am sad today. I am trying to reconcile my new life to my expectations, and am coming up short. I don’t want to be alone. I am impatient and sad. I dread the loneliness of my nights. And I am not sleeping.

My job is wearing me down, and I no longer have Rick to help pull me through my bad days.

My daughter is wearing me down, and Rick is no longer the calm voice in my ear.

I miss the “we” I used to be with him.

Not perfect. We both had flaws and issues- but I came to see his imperfections as a fundamental part of him and nothing I needed to change.

I was happy to wait for him to fully commit to me. Because I really thought he would, eventually, and I was in no rush. I was content with us just being where we were.

Rick was not content. And he did not commit. Instead he said goodbye. Gently and with love. And he moved on.

And now he has told his girl he loves her. And I am happy for them both. They deserve to be happy.

And I am sick in my soul.

I ache.

My heart hurts.

Don’t I deserve to be happy too?