My "To Learn" List

New Year’s Eve is upon us. And I thought now would be a good time to see how I did on all my resolutions from last year:

1. Get out of debt- For about 5 minutes last fall, it happened. I want to get there again, and stay there this time. I rate the effort a solid B.
2. Lose weight- I made significant progress, but since it wasn’t all added in a year, I can’t expect it to be all gone yet. Here I give myself an A from April till October, but a D the rest of the year, so a C+ overall.
3. Exercise more- This is B+; who would have thought belly-dancing?!? And Zumba- I really love Zumba.
4. Support charities more- I did a lot more charity at home, helping out those I know this year. A+
5. Spend more quality time with my children- I think my efforts were a solid B…does it count that at times it was the kids who didn’t want to spend time with me?
6. Cook at home more often- I give an A+ to our Thanksgiving efforts. But a C overall.
7. Spend less and save more- C
8. Lower my expenses- C. It was a B up until I bought a new car… so I am back to a car payment and full insurance…
9. Work on my retirement fund- I am up to 15%...still a long way to go. B+
10. Declutter my house- the more I get rid of, the more there seems to be… The effort is an A, but the progress- or lack thereof- drops me to a B.

2011 was about a B overall in the resolution arena.

So what about this year? What resolutions to make? What do I want to do, see and learn?

I want to grow spiritually, emotionally and mentally, while shrinking physically.

I want to live a more fiscally aware life. Quicken and TurboTax should help.

I want to spend more time with my family. I want to learn more of my family history and share it with my children.

I would like to learn how to bake/frost a cake from scratch and it would be nice if it doesn’t look as though something went horribly wrong.

I want to learn how to make my blog a place people want to visit.

I want to learn how to hem pants- though that may be a lofty goal, so I may settle for learning to use a sewing machine and copy my favorite dress. And I would like to learn to knit.

I want to learn Microsoft 2010. I still find there are many things I don't know how to do anymore.

I want to learn the ins and outs of adding my photos to my blog in a timely way.

I want to learn to grow a garden and can veggies. Clearly my first year success was beginner's luck as EVERYTHING died last summer.

I want to learn how to be content with where my life is at the moment- be in the moment instead of wistfully wishing for a better past/future life.

Ohio Winter

A while back, this was sent to me, and today, when we are expecting our first real snowfall of the year, I thought it would be appropriate to share. I wish I knew who the author was...

It's winter in Ohio
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At twenty-five below.
Oh, how I love Ohio
When the snow's up to your butt
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave Ohio
Cause I'm frozen to the ground

Christmas Eve 2002

On Tuesday, December 24th, 2002, after an amazing night with my in-laws and the traditional “7 fishes” Christmas dinner, I went to spend Christmas Eve with my mother for the last time.

The finality didn't really hit me at the time, but writing that now physically pains me.

My mother was admitted to the hospital the previous Friday after collapsing at work. My father was called and raced to the hospital. My husband called me at work during our holiday party, with only sketchy details- Mom had fainted… I asked him to have my dad call me as soon as possible.

When Dad called the news wasn’t good. Her heart stopped, and she was cardioverted once before being loaded into the ambulance, and needed to be shocked again while en route to the hospital. She was unconscious and he was going home…

Going HOME?!?!

A co-worker took me to the hospital in my car while another followed us down- they wanted to make sure I had my car. One offered to come with me into the ER, but this I had to do alone.

I don't know if I ever thanked them for the huge service they did for me that day. I am not sure I could thank them enough.

I have to say, I don’t think it is possible to prepare yourself for seeing your comatose parent in an emergency room on a ventilator- I felt faint as the air left my lungs in a rush. Faintness. I gripped the siderail to stay upright. The wave of dizziness passed.

I stood beside my mother , held her hand, and spoke to her gently, telling her we were waiting for a CCU bed, that I would stay with her, that she wasn’t alone. We would not leave her alone. And once we were in CCU, I asked the nurse how it usually went in these cases, already knowing the answer.

Over the weekend, both the Cardiologist and Pulmonologist advised me that my mom had only a small chance of survival. My siblings and I all supported my Dad’s decision to extubate Mom, which was done on Monday, December 23rd. Mom was never alone. One of us was always with her.

My prayer was simple on those days: "Please God, just do whatever Mom wants."

My suspicion was that Mom wanted to spend this Christmas with her father, who died just after Christmas when I was a baby. She was, now, the age he was then...

Christmas Eve at 10pm, I took over. My brother had lovingly washed and brushed my mother's hair, removing the blood from where she hit her head when she collapsed. I sat with her, sang Christmas Hymns to her and said my goodbyes. I suspected her time with us was short.

At 2am, I was on my way home, my brother telling me to go, to celebrate Christmas with my children. Santa needed to make an appearance, after all. My son John's first Christmas...

There was over a foot of snow by morning, so much that my younger sister was unable to get to the hospital that morning. My older sister stayed with Mom after relieving my brother that afternoon, once her children had celebrated that morning.

When the phone rang late that night, I knew it was the call. My heartbroken older sister... telling me Mom was gone. She would be spending this Christmas with the father she loved.

So now I cry during Christmas services. And I cry when I hear the radio play:

Sir I wanna buy these shoes, for my Momma please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Daddy says there's not much time
You see, she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful,
If Momma meets Jesus tonight.

Nine Christmas nights later, she is still missed, still loved. Merry Christmas, Mom!

Heartwarming Stories of Love

Take a minute and read this story:

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/anonymous-donors-pay-off-kmart-222535611.html

Warms your heart, doesn't it?

Just doing the right thing, because it is the right thing, doing for others in their time of need...

This is the best in people.

To all those "Secret Santas" out there- THANK YOU!

And to Ben's wife- He is looking down on you with love, you have made him so proud!

Friendship and Love

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. C. S. Lewis

All the presents are bought but not wrapped just yet. The yard and the house are decorated. Cookies were baked (and eaten) And I am about halfway through writing my Christmas cards. Reaching out to each of the folks in my life who only serve to make it better.

It is an effort of love.

I have my corny letter, with pictures of the kids, include the new house number... all the usual elements that folks hardly think about.

I have a big selection of cards this year, because I shopped after Christmas and got some great deals on the fancy cards I would never pay full price for. I even have the "Forever" stamps that are seasonal.

It isn't something I have to do. I do it because I want to. I want to check in with everyone, wish them well and happy... Not a big thing, really.

But each card is a tangable sign of love.

From my house to yours...

Mom's Greatest Gift

When I was a very little girl, my mother was given the most wonderful gift I had ever seen:

A painted china bowl and lid, in which the bowl was a nest and the lid was a hen. The thing that made it wonderful was that when you lifted the hen lid off, two eggs were nestled inside…a salt and pepper shaker.

It was the greatest gift ever. What could be more wonderous.

I was fascinated. It was SO beautiful. The most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
Mom would let me touch it and study it when she was watching, and I loved it as much as she did. Possibly more.

One afternoon, her friends came over, and we had a cook-out in the yard. Eileen, who used to live in our downstairs apartment, had not been over for a visit in a while, and I was anxious to show off my mother’s new treasure.

My mother said I could fetch it from the china closet and bring it out to show her friend.

“Be Careful, Geraldine.”

I was careful.
I opened the door of the China closet. I used both hands.

I walked to the back door, cradling it with both hands.

I was careful.

I went down the 3 back steps from the porch.

So careful.

And then, just a couple of feet from Eileen, I stumbled, going down on both knees and elbows.

And time seemed almost to stop as the covered bowl shattered into thousands of sharp shards against the concrete ground.

My little heart was broken- my mother’s beautiful gift and I smashed it

But my mother didn’t see the broken treasure. The covered bowl was just a thing.

She only saw her baby with bleeding knees and elbows that she cleaned and kissed better.

Because she loved me.

My mother taught me that day. One of her many lessons of loving with a whole heart.

Happy Birthday, Mom. We still miss you!

Christmas Shopping?!?

So getting real for the holidays is going to be interesting.

I already have a nice gift for my daughter, and no, it is not a car. My son will go to Space Camp as his WHOLE gift, as he is one of the lucky 48 children in the 4th grade chosen. And the family Kris Kringle wants a gift from Auto Zone.

Which means…

NO MALLS… No department stores… no crazy shopping experiences that torture me. Yes. I am female and I HATE to shop. There is no joy in it… I could never see another mall and be JUST FINE with it. I was Mall free… (Insert “Happy Dance” here)

That was the plan anyway…

But my son, who receives an allowance for chores that include taking out the garbage and animal care, has saved money and wants to buy everyone the perfect Christmas gift. I helped him pick up his dad’s gift on-line for less than $10, a good start, and he did not want me with him when he shopped for me…

So my daughter took him to the mall. And I stayed home, did a little decorating, made hot tea and read a book.

Mall avoidance is a wonderful thing.

He spent more than he should have, but is just delighted with his choice.

The one drawback is that he wants to shop for Liz. He wants to buy her perfume.

Normally, I would suggest my son go shopping with his Dad, who is flying in to see John for Christmas. Let them bond...This year, though, he arrives on Christmas Eve. And I like my ex enough that I wouldn’t subject him to the mall on Christmas Eve. That would just be mean!

Which means…

I have to go to the Mall.

Wrong on so many levels…

World AIDS Day

What was it like then, when AIDS was still new? Because I remember a world where AIDS didn’t exist, and remember how it crept up on us.

I remember the news clips from the beginning- people evicted because of this new disease. New York City was one of the first boiling points, before the disease had a name or a virus attached. People were dying, and people were afraid.

I remember Rock Hudson and Doris Day, in the days before he died. He confessed his secret life to the nation, the world, and suddenly the gates were opened.

But mostly I remember Woody. The first person I ever knew who died from AIDS.

A neighborhood boy I had known all my life. Dark hair, mustache, and a deep tan- handsome even though he was short as guys go. He was Meat-man’s best friend. When I was nine, they taught me to play poker on the stoop in front of Meat-man’s house. I remember how special it felt for these grown up boys to teach me how to play.

I remember his name tagged on the mailbox and the side of a building. That was what they all did, back in the day.

I remember when they shaved off half Woody’s mustache when he was sleeping. How everyone laughed at his outrage. How young he looked without it. And they laughed even harder when he complained he had an interview the next day.

My little sister had a huge crush on him. She took pictures of him on the garage roof, getting ready to jump in the neighbors’ pool. How crazy and reckless and so fun to watch.

He dated one of the girls from next door. How she loved him. But it didn’t work out.

He joined the military, married, had a baby boy, and I stopped seeing him around the neighborhood.

My older sister was the one who told me. “Woody has AIDS” By then, Woody was dying.

Disbelief- shock- pain… How could the crazy brave teenager who jumped in the pool from the roof of the garage be dying?

And everyone was afraid. It was 1990 and everyone was terrified. My heart broke for his family.

Then when he passed away, there was a closed coffin, as they would not embalm him.

Woody was gone. And now we all knew what AIDS could do.